2 yrs... where does the time go??? The boy child had his 13th birthday, the day time work ticks on day after day, breaking the body but paying the bills, animals come and go in the cycle of life and death, some days feel like the most beautiful and gratifying expression of the Universe's creation and other days feel like I'm stuck in a holding pattern waiting for something to happen.
Watching Remington (who was my beloved first dog Joe) play with the newest addition the 3 mth old kitten Bear (who was Joe's companion Zak, who was then Remington's brother Ruger, who a month after costing me $1300 with bladder crystal got himself wiped out on the road.) Ruger was like Zak was in his old age, loving, devoted, somewhat gentle. Bear (so named because we called Ruger Rugie Bear) is like Zak was as a youngster, the devil incarnate LOL. HARD, stroppy, fearless, rough. He terrorises the older cats LOL. Anyway, watching them play (fight) they are oblvious to anything but the fight (play LOL). They are oblivious to the knot of fear twisted in my guts because I haven't heard from someone for a couple of days, oblivious to the fact I wouldn't normally be up at 7am on a Sunday, except I can't sleep and I'd rather try to address what is going on in my head than just lie there, eyes shut, following the swirling thoughts and emotions as if I have to with no choice... So I have gotten up and NEED an outlet for what is going on... I have always found that putting something out there, into the light of day, out of the darkness in my head, gives me leave to put it down, to leave it behind, to deal with it, and I KNOW that the twist of fear sitting in my guts is NOT doing me or anyone else any good and I KNOW it is directly affecting anything I want to manifest in my life... So I picked up a couple of books in the half light this morning, started with a snippet of Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch and I was up to the part about everything coming from 2 emotions, love or fear, and that for that very reason what we love we tend to destroy and then love again, as love sponsors fear and fear sponsors love and we get caught up in that cycle... And I know this, but it is heavy going for 7am on a Sunday and so I turn to my long time favourite that says all the same things in a much more light hearted and easy reading fashion, Illusions by Richard Bach.
Have loved this book completely since I read it when I was about 12, gosh that is WELL over 30 yrs ago now and the first piece from the Messiah's Handbook is fitting...
Use It or Lose It
If you turned to this page,
you're forgetting that what is going
on around you is not reality.
Think about that
Remember where you come from
where you're going and why you created
the mess you got yourself into in the first place.
You're going to die a horrible death, remember
It's all good training, and you'll enjoy it
more if you keep the facts
Take your dying with some seriousness, however.
Laughing on the way to your execution
is not generally understood by less-
advanced life-forms, and they'll
call you crazy.
Needed that instant reminder today... All is unfolding as it should, hindsight thru my life has always shown that things work out in the best way even if it doesn't seem like it for that moment in time when things are creaking and groaning and still being unfolded.
I love this book, it should be on everyone's reading list!!! So I'm going to continue reading and knowing this state of fear is now "out there" publicly, I HAVE to address it and do something about it... that is the way I work LOL.
Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there, whether it be to the 2 legged variety, the furred and feathered kind, or the dads who are mums too. This is your day to be celebrated and to celebrate yourselves for doing one of the hardest and most thankless jobs out there.