Sunday, June 19, 2011

Discussing Death with Karma...

So lets muse on death and what it means to me, and there will be things I will put to Karma now too, and get her new perspective on... to make it simple I'll put Karma in quotation marks so we know what is her and what is me :)

Death, the final frontier! LOL. Well, perhaps not even the 'final' frontier, just what we would consider final since we don't really remember where we've come from, and that this form is a temporary experience for us.

What is it most of us are scared of when we think of death? Is it the ceasing to exist? Is it not being able to interact with loved ones? Is it the pain that is expected to go with it? For me, to be honest there are 2 aspects that cause me just a little concern, that is the pain (having suffered heart attacks before, I know death may NOT be quick or painless, and that sucks!) or the pain/discomfort that would come with an illness like cancer for example. I'm not as staunch as I like to think I am with pain!!! But apart from that it would be the guilt of leaving my loved ones without me, when I perceive they may not be ready to do that, ie Marcus being only 5 yrs old, the animals needing to be looked after and not knowing who would be able to do that satisfactarily, heck, even Bruce since we've only just gotten together and I know how cheated I would feel if he was removed from my life! So those little things stop me longing to 'go home' too much just yet, and yet since I've realised that we don't really have to 'go' anyway to be One with the Creator I've sometimes found myself longing for the formless again. In fact I must confess most recently when talking with Karma in the shower, I found myself asking/telling her to take me home with her... lets face it, some things would be a heck of a lot easier without all this material rubbish to deal with huh? Without ego, without money or lack of, or illness, or anything else... it would be quite blissful to be returned to Love and just be able to watch and Love from outside of the material world we are in right now. It was only telling her that then, that made me aware I may well be manifesting something lovely like cancer to do that for me, so decided I'd quit it LOL.

So there are a couple of wee fears in there too, but in reality I have this longing to go home that certainly stops me fearing what happens after death. I guess in that respect I am very lucky to have been able to talk to my animals so soon after death, to KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt that not only do they still exist, not only that they are OK, but that they are more than OK, they are not lost to us at all, they have not 'moved on' just shifted their vibration to a more pure one, vibrating at such a frequency we now have trouble seeing them, as we are so used to viewing the sluggish vibrating energy that we live in, appearing to be so solid, so 'real' when in reality we are just the slowest form of energy around LOL.

"I was scared of being 'taken away' like Tai was. Of not wanting to leave everyone but not being able to stop it happening, of it being out of my control. I was scared of showing pain in case you took it all away from me. I didn't want to go, I had jobs to do, a family to raise. I had learned to live with my pain, but when the new pain came, when it was going to be here for a while, when it made some other pains worse, it was too much. It became enough that I shed the fears, the pain became bigger than the fears, in the end the fears became the least important part. When I let my fears go Tai was able to come in, and when he came in there could be no fear. Tai was Love, whole and complete and just there, not waiting for me, but waiting with me."

Is that why death sometimes brings such pain and suffering with it? To bring us finally to the point where we so want to be rid of that we release our fears of death? Perhaps that is one of the reasons, I'm pretty sure another reason is to help the family come to the point of wanting to release their loved one from their suffering too, so that relief is there rather than such a raw grief.

Then on the flip side of that is death as the great escape right? I guess if I look honestly at the sometimes longing I have to go home, I can recognise that there. What I think I have found with Bruce is something so precious, so much potential if we don't let ego sabotage it, that I have this terrible fear of ego doing just that. Of us allowing what is there to be polluted, to be dragged down from Love to something so much less, to see that happen..... well, that is just plain scary! To be able to say, I had that, I tasted that, so much more than so many find in their lifetime, that is good! Lets quit now, before we cock it all up (oh my, my fear of failure is a shocker isn't it?!) guess I still have plenty of work to do on ego! LOL, my musings always allow me to see something in myself I hadn't quite recognised fully before! OK OK, I have my homework sorted, lets move on :)

So what is death actually like?

"All of a sudden I was weightless. Like a magnet had lost it's power and I was no longer 'held' there. In that respect looking back it was like I had been trapped in the body and was no longer trapped. When I shed the body I shed the body associated emotions with it, I stepped out of pain, out of fear, out of the wants, out of the discomforts, and into more 'pure' emotions. Emotions that are not burdened by physicality, emotions like Joy, serenity, not of awe for something but of being Awe and at that point of Joyful Love."

I ask Karma what it was like at that point to return to the Whole like that and she shuts me straight down LOL. She wasn't 'returning' at all, she had never not been part of that, so I will have to find a way to reword it, perhaps what was it like to be AWARE of being the Whole suddenly, from feeling separate prior... what was it like to lose the sense of separation?

"it was lost as soon as I left the body, it was like one of those body thoughts, like pain, that was left behind as I left the body."

Was that sense of separation then, for you too, like ego and if so, does that mean ego, or the sense of identity is lost when we leave our body?

"Identity is not fully the same as ego. You are your body but you are more than your body too. Identity is ego, but it is also more than ego. Ego belongs to the physical, and like leaving your body behind but not losing any of what you are, your identity is still whole even while it sheds the ego. Ego is the denseness, the slow vibration, it is physicality, it can be shed while taking from it the kernel of pure vibrational energy that is it's core."

What is ego then Karm?

"Ego is Self that we haven't been able to maintain at a high enough vibration. It slipped to match the slower vibration of the physical and became stuck in the physical, it can of course be lifted again as can your bodies vibration. The easiest way is to maintain small vibrational lifts. To swing from high to low does nothing, but to lift it slightly and HOLD that lift then anchors it at the new level, so you can lift it again, and again... change one thought pattern, one 'belief' at a time, anchor that firmly, push for too much too early and you will lose the lot and slump back to the lower vibration with a new belief of failing... baby steps."

I bring up with her while we are chatting others being there to meet her etc and she says that there weren't there to meet her but they'd never not been there. I tell her I understand but it's hard to word it well, so I ask "what about JoeJoe?" (my old Long Coat Shepherd who is now a guide for me and who has said he will always be 'within' me.) She simply replied "he was never NOT there." and I guess that's it isn't it, I have this feeling that he is 'within me' so he is there and not somewhere else, however being infinite he is of course everywhere, just that he knows I will recognise him best (and keep me looking within for answers) if we used that analogy for me. That's leads on to the whole infinite then being within me, blah blah blah, round and round in circles with the head trying to analyse what it can't! So lets leave that part there LOL.

I ask Karma if there is anything she would like to say to anyone who may read this about death... "don't be afraid of the pain. As soon as it is done the pain is not only finished but it no longer exists, like taking off a heavy overcoat, once it is taken off, the weight of it no longer affects you, and once you no longer have that pain, it is like you never had it, you remember the pain, but the memory is not physical, you do not re hurt when you remember it. All that is physical is left behind including the dense, slow vibrational physical 'memories' or emotions. You know what you went thru but it is now just something you experienced, not pain, not negative, you do not hurt anymore. Remember you are never alone, but after you take off the overcoat, after you shed your body you realise the truth of that completely, you 'see' with more than your physical eyes."

Thank you my darling girl, I can sense Tai "waiting" for her patiently, they still have much dancing to do!

Go dance you young Lovers, we'll talk again xxxx

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Musings on Death...

Last weekend I didn't really have any abstract things to muse on and had thought about musing on death and that's as far as it got, just the heading LOL (I was tired!) but this weekend it is now a very relevant topic... Karma my 9yr old Ridgeback/Lab cross pinched a nerve in her back sometime over Monday night (probably slipping down the stairs in the middle of the night) and paralysed her back end (minus her tail!) unfortunately it locked her bladder shut too so she was unable to pee. My local vets said there wasn't anything they could really do for her and sent us home with some painkillers (at this stage it wasn't known if she was able to pee or not.) The next day still no pee in sight so I rang a vet centre in Nelson who do acupuncture too and took her across there on Wednesday. She was very sore when they tried to put the needles in and getting pretty stressed by now. I left her there to have another treatment on Friday morning, I'd go across Friday afternoon and she'd have another treatment Saturday before coming home with me and see how she was going as the lovely Tommy Berhens the horse chiropractor is coming to town next weekend, so if we could get her thru till then to see him, it may be an easy fix!

So she had a day of rest on Thursday in Nelson at the vets, with just the catheter to be done to empty her bladder out and they were topping her up with some good painkillers. Pete was going to head across on Friday morning to be with her during her 2nd acupuncture treatment (in case she was still worried about it) since work was slow for him... On Thursday night in the shower (my contemplation place remember? LOL) I had a talk to Karma and got from her that she was ready to go. At 9yrs old she was a bit of a lame old cripple with arthritis everywhere, 2 bung cruciates, a bung front elbow and various other lumps and bumps appearing, and she was enjoying being pain free and wanted to continue to be pain free... Now this little girl used to be terrified of dying after watching her beloved Tai (the Great Dane) be put down at home in front of her and the others, and he was scared. So she's always been a staunch wee girl about her pain, not wanting to show it or complain about it in case she was put down too! But now, finally she was ready, so I told Pete that Friday would be a good chance for him to say his goodbyes etc which thankfully he was able to do.

I got over there just before closing on Friday evening and had a quick 10 min chat with her to confirm what I'd gotten previously, had a quick cuddle and had to leave for them to shut. Bruce and I headed back in the morning with the plan then that Karma wouldn't have her last acupuncture but would be put to sleep instead. So we had lots of cuddles and chats, and more cuddles, and photos and more cuddles and then she had a sleep on my lap and then it was time to farewell my Beautiful Lady.

Those bloody needles they use are always far too big and it hurt her as it always seems too, I HATE that part, but then she went to sleep in my arms as I told her what a good job she'd done over the years, how proud I was of her and how much she was loved until long after she stopped breathing...

Now here's the lovely part... first of all, on Thursday (in the shower) I'd felt Tai the Great Dane with her, now Tai was a fantastic dog, noble like a typical Dane, but a big sooky lala and a real clown who liked to just race around the paddock like a lean mean racing sardine, he was my boy :) But the 'presence' of Tai that I felt was so much more than that... there was none of that playfulness but rather a very noble, calm and confident presence that just oozed power, it honestly felt GOD like rather than dog like!!! and it wouldn't take a shape it was just an energy there, almost like a cloud... so after Karma had let go of her body I checked for her and Tai and in my minds eye I saw these 2 'clouds' of energy having met and spiraling up into the air around each other, like a tornado, and within that spiraling energy was the most joyous feeling of reconnection like two lovers meeting in a dance, it was beautiful to 'see' them together again...

When I said to her that we would take her body home to put with Tai under the pear tree she said it didn't matter, she understood now :) but it is important for other members of the family, wee Marcus included, to be able to say goodbye, so home she came with me to be buried in the morning with Pete and Marcus there. Now when I've spoken to Karma since, she is just like Tai!!! Gone is the bossy, maternal little Karma dog, and instead I am talking to a 'Lady', gracious, serene and again oozing that 'power' that I felt with Tai, just like a Goddess, so my Lord and Lady, my God and Goddess are together again in spirit, no more separation, and I am happy that she is not only OK but that she is more than OK. I'll have to add a photo when I get home, altho I did get some up on Facebook before I had to come to work...lets see if I remember how to do the link!


and I shall attempt to do my musings on death later, or tomorrow night if I run out of time, with Karma's help :)

Karma enjoying a massage with Bruce

Smiley Girl :)

Karma and Marcus Just a week ago

My Beautiful Lady