Sunday, September 11, 2011

Spring already!

Wow this year is flying by! Sad to say my nightshift musings are coming to an end (altho they've been sadly lacking of late anyway!) Unfortunately since the beginning of the year my sleeping patterns altered from a sleep anywhere and for a looooooong time to just can't sleep! This has been steadily getting worse and altho I thought I was coping "OK" with being tired thru the week I obviously wasn't, the stress built up internally till my heart started playing up merry hell and I started having mini meltdowns and of course in the midst of all this I'm telling myself "I can't sleep!!!!" so it's been compounding and a vicious circle. Bruce put his foot down the other day after I confessed at the dinner table just exactly how bad the stress was and said the night shifts had to go.... only a compounding issue, not the cause but it's bad enough I actually agreed with him, so this is my last night shift! I also chucked in collecting eggs at the free range farm about 3-4 weeks ago now (can't believe I did that for 2 yrs!) so my weekends will be my own again!!! And it shouldn't take me till Friday each week to try to repay at least part of the sleep debt so I'll have more energy for the communication work that is picking back up again :o)

Auckland was quiet at the expo for me, but it was lovely as usual to catch up with friends and family and just talk to like minded people at the expo. Had a couple of enquiries at the expo about doing workshops, so I might look at putting one or two together, if anyone is interested in details or attendance etc feel free to email me or connect here or on FaceBook etc.

And with the weekends free and energy to spare I'll be back on those horses again! Smokey and Mac have only been ridden once or twice since about February and I must confess Mac was a perfect angel to get on after that length of time off! A pleasant surprise, so we may actually get back to some animal updates too!

Of course I haven't stopped musing some things (and have beaten myself up just lately for having done all this musing to still let this lack of sleep thing affect me like it has, I should know better!) and along the lines of the last post about how can God be the Song if we are not the Singer... I just had a thought a day or two ago, that it is thru us and our beliefs and fears that God the Infinite can actually experience what it is to be 'finite' or have an end... even if it's not true, if an atheist, for example, believes that death is the complete end and nothing exists afterwards, then it is thru that belief, those thoughts, the possible fears, and the visualisation of the nothing afterwards that 'God' can get an inkling of what is may be to cease to be... Just a pondering :o)

So that's my quick catch up, enjoy your spring for those of you on this side of the world, I guess the leaves are turning and looking fantastic for those of you who are approaching hibernation time too :o)

Enjoy the world of colours and change!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Pet Expo in Auckland Next Weekend!

Wow! I can't believe it's been a year already! Time to head up to Auckland for the Pet Expo again!

Will be manning a stand with the lovely Jeanne Northwood from Energyworks and will be stealing some more of her great lotions and potions!

I'll have some discounted vouchers for consultations and some Himalayan Crystal Salt there and will be available for consults or one on one communication workshops on the Monday and Tuesday (29th and 30th August) so feel free to make contact if you need me for anything, otherwise it'll be fantastic to meet anyone who feels so inclined at the Expo on the weekend. Was pleasantly surprised after attending the last one, so make sure you come along and check out all the different clubs, animals, and products on offer!

Monday, July 11, 2011

If you are not the singer, how can God be the song?

driving to work tonight I was, as I seem to be doing a lot lately, thinking about how precious this physical body is... I was singing away at the top of my lungs (probably very badly!) to October Project and thinking that once we are dead and have left this form I would no longer be able to sing, or even "hear" a song. I thought I would have the memory of that song and singing it, but another thought overrode that, I would BE the song, but I would no longer be the singer. That gave rise to something I've mentioned before and think often enough, that without us being aware of the Creator, without us being SELF aware, then in reality God as "God" doesn't exist. Creation becomes aware of itself thru US being aware of it. It is by us observing God in a flower, a bird, a loved one or anything else you can see it in, that God becomes aware of itself as God. So if we are not the singer, how can God be the song? The song cannot exist in thought alone, it would be just a thought, it requires sound, music, a singer before it is a 'song', thus God requires us to be aware before it is the Creator... Quite a responsibility really, and yet quite an ego boosting one too LOL, after all, animals cannot reflect God to itself because they are not 'self aware' the same way we are. Many of them see themselves as part of the One, but they see ONLY that which gives rise to no sense of awareness of 'more'. We because of our ego have a sense of separateness that enables us to see ourselves as different to other things, therefore easier to see the Creator in other things, which is what, as I see it, gives us the specific type of awareness that God needs in order to see itself.

hmmmmm tired tonight (shattered last night!) and I get the feeling if I try to explain it any clearer I'm going to make it murkier, so I shall leave that train of thought there.

Last night actually, I did an email to the Beloved about my views on Life, excuse the last paragraph, it was after all a personal email to Bruce, but it is how I see Life, and I might as well share since you're subjected to everything else I think anyway LOL.


The journey that is Life. From birth to death, and from being dead to being alive. A journey of self discovery, an exploration, unmapped, unknown with the potential therefore to be nothing less than exciting.

Life. Physical, short and precious. Full. Of whatever you choose. Actions, reactions, consequences of actions. Dreams, fears, disappointments, contentment, boredom or excitement. But always full.

A journey walked with others, sometimes many, sometimes few, but never in isolation.

Life. A physical manifestion drawing us out of the Whole, leaving us with no memory of the One Life, but the possibility of rediscovering that anew with every passing moment of time.

Life, where time passes and we watch form decay. Life, where we are subject to the Laws of Science. Life, with all our perceived constraints within it.

The playground of Life, the school of 'hard knocks', where we learn by physical expression the Laws of Cause and Effect, the Laws of Cumulative Effect, where we live under and subject to Laws.

Life, blink and you may miss it, cry too long and you'll never see it clearly, stare it in the eye and ride it like a rollercoaster, it may scream around corners terrifying you at the thought of a derailment but after all it's up and downs you know it's going to end and you can get off the ride.

Life, able to be shared, uniquely able to be seen from anothers perspective, while walking your own path.

I love my life, the warmth of sun on my skin, the feel of rain wetting and chilling me, the touch of a loved one, the responsibilities of loving and being loved. The stresses and the challenges, the joys and the laughter. The salty taste of tears and the comfort of arms around me. I love the bite of tiredness, and the blissful sleep that reminds me of a small death. I love the sound of thunder, observing the living, the movement, the breathing, dynamic even when still. I love the feeling of Nature, from the hardest rock, to the roughest tree, to the fluidity of water, to the suppleness of skin. I love the solidity of the manufactured, not a 'living' cell in it, but it's vibrancy is unsurpassed.

I love my life and all the lives it has touched. Adults and children, animal and human, all from the same Source, brushing against me and bringing learning and expansion, bringing challenges and frustration, bringing love and Love. Some barely meeting before disappearing into their own uncharted territory, others sharing a more parallel journey of discovery, delighting in sharing observations and experiences, learning with and from each other. Never in isolation.

I love the journey of my life and I am ever grateful for the company found along the way. I am blessed to be walking beside you in your journey, to be close enough to hold hands, to be seeing so many things through your eyes, of experiencing more than just my own life. Aware enough, alive enough, to see the One when I see You. Aware enough, dying enough, to look with wonder at our forms and treasure them, to experience them, to burn into the fabric of the Whole the memory of the look, the sound, the touch of these bodies and all the carnal experiences they allow. Precious, fleeting, never to be repeated, no other body will feel your skin like I do, no other eyes will see you like I do, no other heart will love you quite like I do, this experience, this expansion of the One, is something unique to you and I, and I thank you, I thank Life, I thank the Whole for that, and I hop on this rollercoaster and I hold on tight, and although sometimes I may shut my eyes, I know that I'm safe and having the ride of my Life, and I Love it!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Discussing Death with Karma...

So lets muse on death and what it means to me, and there will be things I will put to Karma now too, and get her new perspective on... to make it simple I'll put Karma in quotation marks so we know what is her and what is me :)

Death, the final frontier! LOL. Well, perhaps not even the 'final' frontier, just what we would consider final since we don't really remember where we've come from, and that this form is a temporary experience for us.

What is it most of us are scared of when we think of death? Is it the ceasing to exist? Is it not being able to interact with loved ones? Is it the pain that is expected to go with it? For me, to be honest there are 2 aspects that cause me just a little concern, that is the pain (having suffered heart attacks before, I know death may NOT be quick or painless, and that sucks!) or the pain/discomfort that would come with an illness like cancer for example. I'm not as staunch as I like to think I am with pain!!! But apart from that it would be the guilt of leaving my loved ones without me, when I perceive they may not be ready to do that, ie Marcus being only 5 yrs old, the animals needing to be looked after and not knowing who would be able to do that satisfactarily, heck, even Bruce since we've only just gotten together and I know how cheated I would feel if he was removed from my life! So those little things stop me longing to 'go home' too much just yet, and yet since I've realised that we don't really have to 'go' anyway to be One with the Creator I've sometimes found myself longing for the formless again. In fact I must confess most recently when talking with Karma in the shower, I found myself asking/telling her to take me home with her... lets face it, some things would be a heck of a lot easier without all this material rubbish to deal with huh? Without ego, without money or lack of, or illness, or anything else... it would be quite blissful to be returned to Love and just be able to watch and Love from outside of the material world we are in right now. It was only telling her that then, that made me aware I may well be manifesting something lovely like cancer to do that for me, so decided I'd quit it LOL.

So there are a couple of wee fears in there too, but in reality I have this longing to go home that certainly stops me fearing what happens after death. I guess in that respect I am very lucky to have been able to talk to my animals so soon after death, to KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt that not only do they still exist, not only that they are OK, but that they are more than OK, they are not lost to us at all, they have not 'moved on' just shifted their vibration to a more pure one, vibrating at such a frequency we now have trouble seeing them, as we are so used to viewing the sluggish vibrating energy that we live in, appearing to be so solid, so 'real' when in reality we are just the slowest form of energy around LOL.

"I was scared of being 'taken away' like Tai was. Of not wanting to leave everyone but not being able to stop it happening, of it being out of my control. I was scared of showing pain in case you took it all away from me. I didn't want to go, I had jobs to do, a family to raise. I had learned to live with my pain, but when the new pain came, when it was going to be here for a while, when it made some other pains worse, it was too much. It became enough that I shed the fears, the pain became bigger than the fears, in the end the fears became the least important part. When I let my fears go Tai was able to come in, and when he came in there could be no fear. Tai was Love, whole and complete and just there, not waiting for me, but waiting with me."

Is that why death sometimes brings such pain and suffering with it? To bring us finally to the point where we so want to be rid of that we release our fears of death? Perhaps that is one of the reasons, I'm pretty sure another reason is to help the family come to the point of wanting to release their loved one from their suffering too, so that relief is there rather than such a raw grief.

Then on the flip side of that is death as the great escape right? I guess if I look honestly at the sometimes longing I have to go home, I can recognise that there. What I think I have found with Bruce is something so precious, so much potential if we don't let ego sabotage it, that I have this terrible fear of ego doing just that. Of us allowing what is there to be polluted, to be dragged down from Love to something so much less, to see that happen..... well, that is just plain scary! To be able to say, I had that, I tasted that, so much more than so many find in their lifetime, that is good! Lets quit now, before we cock it all up (oh my, my fear of failure is a shocker isn't it?!) guess I still have plenty of work to do on ego! LOL, my musings always allow me to see something in myself I hadn't quite recognised fully before! OK OK, I have my homework sorted, lets move on :)

So what is death actually like?

"All of a sudden I was weightless. Like a magnet had lost it's power and I was no longer 'held' there. In that respect looking back it was like I had been trapped in the body and was no longer trapped. When I shed the body I shed the body associated emotions with it, I stepped out of pain, out of fear, out of the wants, out of the discomforts, and into more 'pure' emotions. Emotions that are not burdened by physicality, emotions like Joy, serenity, not of awe for something but of being Awe and at that point of Joyful Love."

I ask Karma what it was like at that point to return to the Whole like that and she shuts me straight down LOL. She wasn't 'returning' at all, she had never not been part of that, so I will have to find a way to reword it, perhaps what was it like to be AWARE of being the Whole suddenly, from feeling separate prior... what was it like to lose the sense of separation?

"it was lost as soon as I left the body, it was like one of those body thoughts, like pain, that was left behind as I left the body."

Was that sense of separation then, for you too, like ego and if so, does that mean ego, or the sense of identity is lost when we leave our body?

"Identity is not fully the same as ego. You are your body but you are more than your body too. Identity is ego, but it is also more than ego. Ego belongs to the physical, and like leaving your body behind but not losing any of what you are, your identity is still whole even while it sheds the ego. Ego is the denseness, the slow vibration, it is physicality, it can be shed while taking from it the kernel of pure vibrational energy that is it's core."

What is ego then Karm?

"Ego is Self that we haven't been able to maintain at a high enough vibration. It slipped to match the slower vibration of the physical and became stuck in the physical, it can of course be lifted again as can your bodies vibration. The easiest way is to maintain small vibrational lifts. To swing from high to low does nothing, but to lift it slightly and HOLD that lift then anchors it at the new level, so you can lift it again, and again... change one thought pattern, one 'belief' at a time, anchor that firmly, push for too much too early and you will lose the lot and slump back to the lower vibration with a new belief of failing... baby steps."

I bring up with her while we are chatting others being there to meet her etc and she says that there weren't there to meet her but they'd never not been there. I tell her I understand but it's hard to word it well, so I ask "what about JoeJoe?" (my old Long Coat Shepherd who is now a guide for me and who has said he will always be 'within' me.) She simply replied "he was never NOT there." and I guess that's it isn't it, I have this feeling that he is 'within me' so he is there and not somewhere else, however being infinite he is of course everywhere, just that he knows I will recognise him best (and keep me looking within for answers) if we used that analogy for me. That's leads on to the whole infinite then being within me, blah blah blah, round and round in circles with the head trying to analyse what it can't! So lets leave that part there LOL.

I ask Karma if there is anything she would like to say to anyone who may read this about death... "don't be afraid of the pain. As soon as it is done the pain is not only finished but it no longer exists, like taking off a heavy overcoat, once it is taken off, the weight of it no longer affects you, and once you no longer have that pain, it is like you never had it, you remember the pain, but the memory is not physical, you do not re hurt when you remember it. All that is physical is left behind including the dense, slow vibrational physical 'memories' or emotions. You know what you went thru but it is now just something you experienced, not pain, not negative, you do not hurt anymore. Remember you are never alone, but after you take off the overcoat, after you shed your body you realise the truth of that completely, you 'see' with more than your physical eyes."

Thank you my darling girl, I can sense Tai "waiting" for her patiently, they still have much dancing to do!

Go dance you young Lovers, we'll talk again xxxx

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Musings on Death...

Last weekend I didn't really have any abstract things to muse on and had thought about musing on death and that's as far as it got, just the heading LOL (I was tired!) but this weekend it is now a very relevant topic... Karma my 9yr old Ridgeback/Lab cross pinched a nerve in her back sometime over Monday night (probably slipping down the stairs in the middle of the night) and paralysed her back end (minus her tail!) unfortunately it locked her bladder shut too so she was unable to pee. My local vets said there wasn't anything they could really do for her and sent us home with some painkillers (at this stage it wasn't known if she was able to pee or not.) The next day still no pee in sight so I rang a vet centre in Nelson who do acupuncture too and took her across there on Wednesday. She was very sore when they tried to put the needles in and getting pretty stressed by now. I left her there to have another treatment on Friday morning, I'd go across Friday afternoon and she'd have another treatment Saturday before coming home with me and see how she was going as the lovely Tommy Berhens the horse chiropractor is coming to town next weekend, so if we could get her thru till then to see him, it may be an easy fix!

So she had a day of rest on Thursday in Nelson at the vets, with just the catheter to be done to empty her bladder out and they were topping her up with some good painkillers. Pete was going to head across on Friday morning to be with her during her 2nd acupuncture treatment (in case she was still worried about it) since work was slow for him... On Thursday night in the shower (my contemplation place remember? LOL) I had a talk to Karma and got from her that she was ready to go. At 9yrs old she was a bit of a lame old cripple with arthritis everywhere, 2 bung cruciates, a bung front elbow and various other lumps and bumps appearing, and she was enjoying being pain free and wanted to continue to be pain free... Now this little girl used to be terrified of dying after watching her beloved Tai (the Great Dane) be put down at home in front of her and the others, and he was scared. So she's always been a staunch wee girl about her pain, not wanting to show it or complain about it in case she was put down too! But now, finally she was ready, so I told Pete that Friday would be a good chance for him to say his goodbyes etc which thankfully he was able to do.

I got over there just before closing on Friday evening and had a quick 10 min chat with her to confirm what I'd gotten previously, had a quick cuddle and had to leave for them to shut. Bruce and I headed back in the morning with the plan then that Karma wouldn't have her last acupuncture but would be put to sleep instead. So we had lots of cuddles and chats, and more cuddles, and photos and more cuddles and then she had a sleep on my lap and then it was time to farewell my Beautiful Lady.

Those bloody needles they use are always far too big and it hurt her as it always seems too, I HATE that part, but then she went to sleep in my arms as I told her what a good job she'd done over the years, how proud I was of her and how much she was loved until long after she stopped breathing...

Now here's the lovely part... first of all, on Thursday (in the shower) I'd felt Tai the Great Dane with her, now Tai was a fantastic dog, noble like a typical Dane, but a big sooky lala and a real clown who liked to just race around the paddock like a lean mean racing sardine, he was my boy :) But the 'presence' of Tai that I felt was so much more than that... there was none of that playfulness but rather a very noble, calm and confident presence that just oozed power, it honestly felt GOD like rather than dog like!!! and it wouldn't take a shape it was just an energy there, almost like a cloud... so after Karma had let go of her body I checked for her and Tai and in my minds eye I saw these 2 'clouds' of energy having met and spiraling up into the air around each other, like a tornado, and within that spiraling energy was the most joyous feeling of reconnection like two lovers meeting in a dance, it was beautiful to 'see' them together again...

When I said to her that we would take her body home to put with Tai under the pear tree she said it didn't matter, she understood now :) but it is important for other members of the family, wee Marcus included, to be able to say goodbye, so home she came with me to be buried in the morning with Pete and Marcus there. Now when I've spoken to Karma since, she is just like Tai!!! Gone is the bossy, maternal little Karma dog, and instead I am talking to a 'Lady', gracious, serene and again oozing that 'power' that I felt with Tai, just like a Goddess, so my Lord and Lady, my God and Goddess are together again in spirit, no more separation, and I am happy that she is not only OK but that she is more than OK. I'll have to add a photo when I get home, altho I did get some up on Facebook before I had to come to work...lets see if I remember how to do the link!


and I shall attempt to do my musings on death later, or tomorrow night if I run out of time, with Karma's help :)

Karma enjoying a massage with Bruce

Smiley Girl :)

Karma and Marcus Just a week ago

My Beautiful Lady

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Musings on Expectations

I had chosen this topic already although I hadn't made it here to start on it and then saw this video clip and it seemed to fit right in there! Certainly gets the point across clearly and concisely anyway, check it out :o)

So what happens when we have expectations? How often is the pictured outcome different to reality? How does that affect us? Generally speaking somehow it never quite lives up to our expectations does it, somehow it's always a bit of an anti climax and we then feel let down, or cheated in some respect. Easy to then let the ego step in further and we can feel like a victim, never getting what we want or deserve, always missing out, always failing and yet we've missed the somewhat incredible steps we've walked on the journey to that point. Eyes focused on the finish line we miss out on seeing the wonderful scenery around us as we race on. We are future focused to supply something we don't have right now and not honouring what we do have, wishing it away... Expectations involving other people is especially dangerous, after all, our desired outcome is one out of pretty much an infinite number of possible outcomes and none of them are in our control! So are we going to end up disappointed in some way? Generally yes!

Can we instead enjoy and participate fully in the journey itself? Sure we may have an idea of where we'd like to end up, but if we participate completely in each step of the journey the destination is no longer vital for our happiness or contentment, instead it becomes a secondary thing and thus we are more adaptable about where that finish line actually is and what the prize at the end may be. We roll with the punches better, we don't fall over as much and are hurt a lot less, and consequently we find our journey becomes a lot smoother anyway.

Enjoy every step of the journey, each one is precious and will have something to teach you if you want to be taught. The journey is so short anyway, before you know it it will be over, appreciate every second of it, Love as much as you can with all that you are, be compassionate to all around you, each of us is in the middle of our own journey and some of those steps are hard to take. Remove the expectations before they are allowed to remove your enjoyment, if you can't remove them, remember to learn from the disappointment that will inevitibly come from having them. Find your happiness in the journey :o)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Musings on Contentment and Appreciation

Two in one tonight since I didn't do any last night and these two certainly blend in together I think...

I think these two things are vital in your attitudes to help to combat that ego too, to be thankful for what you DO have and to be content with what you already have, stops you longing for more in a way that would only focus you on what you lack. Sure you can be content and appreciative and still aim to do better in whatever area of your life, be it spiritual or physical, but to have those attitudes in your heart and mind will help keep the dissatisfaction that the ego tries to sabotage us with at bay.

A couple of things about these things is I guess it's easy to have these attitudes when things are going smoothly isn't it, harder to keep hold of when you're facing some challenges, however although it should be easy to do when things are going well, how many of us actually stop for more than 5 mins to appreciate what you have, or what you've just obtained? Often the thrill of obtaining whatever it may be brings in a very thankful attitude for all of an hour, a day, a week, but there is not a lasting contentment with that, all too soon we take the aquisition for granted, we get blase about our attitudes and the appreciation is soon lost under the chase for the next aquisition. I think you have to learn to be content with what you have, at ALL times... after all, what you have right "now" is all you have, if you are not content with what you have you are not honouring the Now as ET would say, you are at odds with what is at this present moment... That is of course, not to say that you can't have goals of things you would still like or things you are still aiming for, but you need to appreciate what you DO have.

Murat Yagan, Elder of Kebzeh, says much the same thing, and it follows that whole "abundance" thing I talked about earlier... Be content with what you have, know that you have what you need at the time, AND (not 'but' as but has a negative connotation) that you can do better. Appreciating what you have doesn't stop you aiming to have more but it will aid you to be happy with what you have right now and if you can't find a contentment and happiness with where you are or what you have right now, what is the point of life???

Appreciating anything, just helps keep that ego at bay. It's not all about being thankful for something to the point of "I'm so lucky I have this in my life" or thinking about how much harder than someone else you worked to get something, it's about honouring that thing, or that person, or that attitude... of realising that with that in your life, your life is 'more', your life is enriched because of it, and by being thankful for that enrichment, it is being thankful for what it has given you right now, not for what you think you can get from it in the future. I guess that's where the contentment comes in too. You are not looking for what you might get from it as a future thing where you are setting it up for a possible failure and yourself for disappointment if it then doesn't happen, you are content with the gift it has brought you at this present moment AND you look forward to having that contentment in the future too.

It is us and only us who controls our attitudes, sure others can influence us but only if we allow them too, whether that allowance is given unconsciously due to the fact we are just not aware how much control our 'mind' or ego has taken over our thoughts and we allow ourselves to be buffetted by others negativity etc, or whether we consciously put ourselves into situations to build ourselves up by putting ourselves into circumstances where we are around others with the 'energy' we want... Groups, individuals, whatever, the energy that helps lift our own, that feel good factor that we want to rub off on us, but unconsciously or consciously only WE control our own internal dialogues and consequently our feelings and emotions, so it is up to us to find contentment and appreciation for what we have in our lives right now.

Do you see the negatives first? Or the positives? Do you grab a negative of "...but! I have this health issue!" or do you bring in appreciation for the support group of family or friends that are around you? Do you grab a negative of "...but! money is short and I can't afford ...." or are you content with what you DO have right now, a roof over your head, food on your table and Love of those close to you? EVERYONE faces challenges in this life, if you can keep an appreciation in focus, if you can find even a tiny contentment in where you are at, those challenges will be perceived as less consuming for a start and often will smooth themselves out quite considerably in external ways too. Keep a positive mental attitude that is NOT just ego based and see how the Universe starts aligning with you and not against you!

"every moment is made glorious by the light of Love."
~ Rumi

Monday, May 16, 2011

Musings on an Ego that Sabotages Us

Lets think about this ego some more... everything you hear about it or read about it etc, it is talked about as if it is the enemy. It is at odds with the Universe, it is fear based not Love based, it appears to be an out of control, negative, entity that we think is us.

But WHY does it sabotage us in what we want? I mean to say, how did this thing that is apparently not us, take over, make us want more than we can have, make us want what we don't have, and when we get it it makes sure that any pleasure we get from it is short lived, going so far as to cause us to break a relationship that could well have been the right one...

How did the ego get this strong? And why does it fear what it gets when it wanted it in the first place? This has puzzled me since I've been hearing more and more about it...

Perhaps it is simply here so that we can learn how to tranform it... Kebzeh talks about the ego as "our greatest treasure" to be transformed by Love. You cannot rid yourself of it and to try will give you vinegar, but to transform it with Love you will get sweeter and sweeter wine. Makes sense. ET talks about it as the mind. You still need it, but it is a tool to be picked up and put back down when not needed so that it is not constantly "chattering" in your head and in control. So understood that we cannot get rid of it, and for me, knowing it is our sense of individuality for 'afterwards' I wouldn't want to get rid of it, so now onto the 'why?' part of the pondering.

Perhaps it is always looking for the transformation we need to apply to it through the Love aspect... ego seems to always want more, when it gets what it wants it is never satisfied for long. More money, more possesions, a better job for more security, a better relationship, someone who 'gets us', someone who can accept us as we are even though we can't accept them, there is always something missing from what we get that the ego keeps searching for more. Perhaps, just perhaps what it is seeking it will only find when we have actually learned to live beyond ego and yet it fears us doing that too! It tries to make all manner of excuses to keep us from finding that 'God' Love that would enable it to be fulfilled, if indeed that is a reason.

We are here in reality to experience "more." As Jesus said (the only times in the Bible he actually said what his purpose here was) "I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly." So he came that we may be lead to having more but in a complete and healthy way, rather than ego or fear based.

ET has also said, NOT wanting what 'is' is a contraction of yourself, which goes to follow the same type of reasoning as both Jesus and ET, that to want 'more' but in a non fear based way is actually an expansion of yourself. And here ego can be a valuable tool if used as a 'tool.' Ego is that 'drive' that we have, sure for some people ego can also be a fear of failure hinderance, but it is that burning desire to obtain more, so if directed correctly it could be used as that 'push' to expand ourselves right? If transformed through Love to be working for us rather than just rampaging out of control, it would be helping the expansion of the Energy of the Creator to expand as we ourselves expand.

So that makes sense to me I guess, (gotta love typing this stuff out because in the 2 days thinking about it, that really hadn't presented itself to me LOL) so now where did the fear factor come into it? All the spiritual teachers, the authors, the whoever, talk about ego being fear based, being a negativity based thing, so when or where did this negativity come into it? Obviously if it is transformed by Love it is lacking Love right? If it is fear based or negative based, then it is lacking the opposite which is the 'positive' of Love, so how did it lose "Love" like that? Or was that sense of self, that sense of separation that it is all about, the key to that part? In order to separate from the whole you almost have to be the opposite don't you... a bit like the yin yang symbol, together it makes the whole but within that whole there are the separate pieces and they are opposite to each other and yet containing a part of each other. Is it then, that when we were exploring that sense of self so completely that we expanded THAT lack of Love aspect? And in the exploration and fun we had with that sense of self that we pulled away from the Whole and the Ego continued to grow in its 'opposite' aspect until we identified with it so completely it became 'us.'

I don't know! Suppose it could be, it all makes sense to me at least LOL, others might think completely differently! Just been wondering how the ego got to be like it is, no one seems to have answered that :o)

So it can of course be healed with Love, it can of course be brought back under control, not by contracting it - by trying to shrink it, but instead by expanding OURSELVES through Love to once again be bigger than it, so it again works for us and not against us.

Feel free to give your thoughts, would be interested to hear what others think about this!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Ancient Wisdoms...

He who knows the ways of beasts and birds.
Who can distinguish them by song and cry,
Who knows the bright quicksilver life in streams,
The courses that the stars take through the sky,
May never have laid hands to books,
Yet he is sharing wisdom with infinity...
He who works with sensitive deft hands
At any woodcraft, will absorb the rain,
The sunlight and the starlight and the dew
That entered in the making of its grain;
He should grow tall and straight and clean and good
Who daily breathes the essences of wood.
He who finds companionship in rocks,
And comfort in the touch of vine and leaf,
Who climbs a hill for joy, and shouts a song,
Who loves the feel of wind, will know no grief;
No loneliness that ever grows too great;
For he will never be desolate...
He shares, who is companioned long with these,
All ancient wisdoms and philosophies.

Old Welsh Prose

Monday, May 9, 2011

and by special request

a story...

When is Love Wrong?

I won this round. This time I got my way! After all, last couple of times I gave in and you won, so it's only fair that it's my turn this time round! After all a loving relationship is all about compromise isn't it!

We give and we take and we maintain a harmonious balance, we agree, we disagree, but heck at least we communicate! Sometimes I'm right and you're wrong, sometimes (not often) it's the other way round.

We're doing everything right and better still we still love each other.

So why then do I see cracks appearing around me? Why do I feel like I'm in a condemned building? Fighting to save my home but all I have is a hammer and a nail and I just know it's not going to work.

After all, we're doing everything right!

The cracks widen, the structure is trembling and I feel as insecure as I possibly could in this shaky building, but still I'm fighting to fix things, with a hammer, and one nail at a time, I will not quit!

Before my eyes my home is collapsing, like slow motion, walls that kept me safe and secure, a ceiling that sheltered me, this house of love is falling away, leaving me vulnerable and shaken to the core. All my compromises lie broken at my feet, all the communication shattered around me, all the rights and wrongs scattering like dust on the wind.

What was so wrong with my love that is could not stand the test of time? What is left to me now?

I feel the warmth of the sun shining down on my head, I hear the breeze whispering in my ear, I see beyond the walls of my heart. I recognise Love and in that Love I find there is no right or wrong. It's not that there is no room for judgements, it's that there is no NEED for judgements.

There was no room in my home, inside those walls, for a lot of things, but here with no boundaries, with nothing but Love there is no limit.

I do not need to be right, I do not need you to be wrong, I do not need to compromise because there is no compromise. This Love just is.... it is perfection, it is understanding, it is respect and compassion, it is ego less and all encompassing and it has no walls and no end.

Musings on Wisdom

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Wisdom as far as common sense is pretty universal right? But a wisdom gained from personal experiences is just that, personal. In that respect Kahlil Gibran has hit the nail on the head, each person must find it for their self, and although external circumstances may shape things, that wisdom is found within, because the answers are found within yourself. And wisdom is all about growth. As Tryon Edwards said "He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes, and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today."

Wisdom is being open to all things, wisdom to me is humility too, not too often you see a wise proud man! Wisdom encapsulating the 'enlightment' part of it's definition is just that, enlightenment, freedom from mind, or perhaps rather, the freedom to use mind not be used by it. The Master not the slave.

To me, the wise man has simplified. He knows he is nothing, and lives like nothing is All there is. Out of all the knowledge he has he has extracted the valuable core.

Of course the other wisdom, the intellectual wisdom seems to pale in comparison, with no depth or substance. I like this quote, "Most of our pocket wisdom is conceived for the use of mediocre people, to discourage them from ambitious attempts, and generally console them in their mediocrity." Robert Louis Stevenson. That quote reminds me of the movie The Matrix, give them just enough to stop them seeking more, just enough to satisfy the drive for knowledge which will hush that underlying drive for freedom.

Those that have read much, and speak more are quite obvious aren't they? You probably all know one or know of more... the ones who are always trying to be more than someone else with the knowledge they can spout forth, all ego driven, no substance to it, knowledge without real wisdom, book learnt without experience to back it up.

The truly wise are secure in that wisdom, they have no need to throw it at people, but will always share that wisdom when actually asked, knowing that answering one well conceived question may lead that person to the threshhold of their own mind.

Alex Noble says it well, "If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day."

oh and this quote I just found... this dude and I are on the same wavelength but he expresses it so concisely and much more elegantly than I do!

The great teachings unanimously emphasize that all the peace, wisdom, and joy in the universe are already within us; we don't have to gain, develop, or attain them. We're like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don't need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are -- as soon as we quit pretending we're small or unholy.
~ Bo Lozoff


Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Path of the Spiritual Warrior

A very good book I got lent to me, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. It is Marianne's reflections on the principals of A Course in Miracles... Found a piece in here just now that I like and it is true! When you start on this road to self discovery, things CAN seem to get uglier for you before it gets better, been there done that :o)

(This is actually in the section about relationships)

"Real relationships demand honest communication, and no matter how painful, no matter how frightening. A Course in Miracles says that miracles arise from total communication given and received.

When you ask God to heal your life, He shines a very bright light on everything you need to look at. You end up seeing things about yourself that maybe you'd rather not see. We have a lot of armor that has accumulated in front of our hearts - a lot of fear self-righteously masquerading as something else. As anyone who has ever been in serious psychotherapy is well aware, the process of personal growth isn't always easy. We must face our own ugliness. We often must become painfully aware of the unworkability of a pattern before we're willing to give it up. It often seems, in fact, that our lives get worse rather than better when we begin to work deeply on ourselves. Life doesn't actually get worse; it's just that we feel our own transgressions more because we're no longer anesthetized by unconsciousness. We're no longer distanced, through denial, or dissociation, from our own experience. We're starting to see the truth about the games we play.

This process can be so painful that we are tempted to go backwards. It takes courage - this is often called the path of the spiritual warrior - to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives... ...we have to look ego right in the eye before we have the power to relinquish it."

I guess I had forgotten in part, how painful and confusing that part of the process can be, just because I assume people have done it already makes ME the one that is wrong not the person in the arena, fighting for their life...

I will always appreciate a gladiator who goes into the fight with everything they have, those gladiators in my life should really know that... they have a cheerleader in the stands rooting for them to win and come out unscathed...

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust, and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." ~ Theodore Roosevelt.

Musings on Reflections

Having some 'fun' on Trade Me tonight with a rather zealous young man of the Catholic faith. Unfortunately he is judgemental, accusatory and therefore he tends to rub people up the wrong way.... yeah OK, that is an understatement and a half, he's a right royal, loud mouthed, pain in the butt! But still he very firmly believes what he believes! What was amusing was that everything he accused someone of being was EXACTLY what he was doing to them in that very post! It was such a case of him looking at a mirror (or rather, seeing a reflection of himself in someone else) I confess I was rather amused by it. This of course got me thinking about the whole mirroring thing, the relections of ourselves we see in others, the saying "you teach best what you most need to learn" etc and the whole reflection of God part.

Using others, or even animals, as a mirror to ourselves can be a bit of a wake up call! It can show not a very pretty picture at times, but a relatively honest way of doing things... What bugs you most about someone? That is likely to be your issue too! Altho of course, don't be fooled, the polar opposite can actually be the same "issue", don't think you've gotten off that lightly! It's a bit like the bible quote, "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" Matthew 7:3. (yeah OK, I chucked that up to the young buck on Trade Me too, didn't help, I'm just satan quoting things I don't know about!) but it's true in this respect, we see the tiniest flaw in another but we don't see the glaringly obvious in ourselves.

So people or animals... both very honest reflections of ourselves if we have to courage to look into those mirrors with eyes open!

Of course outside of that aspect we are also a reflection of God, and better we are a reflector of God. I touched on this in an earlier post, the fact that without us to reflect God, it would be a nameless, voiceless energy force. It's a bit like that zen saying, if a tree falls in a forest with no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Common sense says "of course it does!" but if no ear witnesses that sound, does that sound exist? (We are talking in more of a philosophical thing hear than a purely physical thing!) Like ET says, if everything in the world was blue, blue wouldn't exist... it needs something that is NOT blue for "blue" to be blue. So it is with God, without us to witness that God Force in creation, it would be but an energy, with us witnessing it, it is more than that. And we can only truly witness it because we are self aware (God bless the ego!) Animals are more in tune with the Source right? To them "we are One" is the obvious truth, so for THEM, the whole world is blue, they have nothing to compare the One too because that is all they see, therefore, God as the Whole, experiences what they experience but is not self aware through them. Because we see ourselves as separate, as an individual part of that Whole we can make the comparison, we can "see" God and when WE see God, God sees Itself through our eyes and is self aware just as we are. When that happens of course we both expand.

Two good and short quotes by Rumi on mirrors...

"If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?"

"Criticism polishes my mirror"

Don't be afraid to be a mirror, but allow yourself to reflect the softer, Loving side of people too, do not be a judgemental, egoic mirror seeking to teach people a lesson by only reflecting their negatives, and don't be afraid to use others as your mirror. Look honestly and make your choice to do something about what you see there if necessary. Growth and change are not bad thnigs! And always strive to be the most complete reflection and reflector of God, anything less would be the 'sin' of separation.

Musings on Freedom

When I think of freedom I automatically think of "getting free" which makes me picture a prisoner of some sort, and yet more often than not freedom comes from a shift in perception, than a physical release doesn't it?

Most of what traps us is in our own heads, and if it 'traps' us then it is perceived as a negative thing and if you've been following along my musings, we should all know by now, a negative thing is ego based right? So without going back over what ego is (a post back in April if you missed it and care to read my nocturnal musings on it) lets look more at the freedom from it aspect.

When you think of freedom in your life what do you think of? Financial freedom, stemming from a lack? Freedom from a relationship? Ego sabotaged that too? Freedom from a health issue? Freedom from responsibilties? For me, personally, right now, today, I'd have to say the freedom I want is to be loved as wholly as I can be loved, and even that just took me 5 mins to think of LOL. You see, to all extents and purposes I feel free! Sure day to day life can say "where is the money to pay the bills?" it can say "you can't go anywhere else you have a trillion animals you are responsible for." But whatever that day to day life says to me, I chose, I had the freedom of making that decision and I decided. If I discover it's a wrong decision later I have the freedom of making a new choice later, but the freedom is making your choices, the dizzying thought that no one else can make those choices for you unless you hand them that power, and even that is a choice you made and one that can be re chosen later if necessary. What makes this type of thing a freedom rather than a normal day to day life? The fact that we live ruled by ego and it's fears. The fears of making a bad choice, of being stuck with a bad choice, of that choice causing pain, whether it be to yourself or another. Fear of then being trapped, fear of losing ourselves and our wants and desires through a choice or lack of one. All fears of future events that may or may not happen. This freedom from these fears SHOULD be normal for us, but sadly we are generally stuck right in the middle of them and see being free of them as something outside of the norm, something considered by some as almost miraculous!

So the common sense question would be how do we find our freedom from those fears right? By recognising it as ego! So simple! You are not your ego, you are not your fears, your doubts or your pain. You are the being that sees these things, you are the one who listens to the voice, but you are NOT the voice!

Ego doesn't want you to have freedom! If you have freedom, you have no need to listen to its rants, it's ideas, it's insecurities. If you have freedom you have peace and confidence and dare I say it, the all elusive happiness! How long does ego let you be happy for before it does something, anything to sabotage that? I'm gonna do some musings on WHY ego sabotages us like that I think, why when it craves happiness and love and security but it ruins that when we finally find it? We know it does it, look back on your life and I'm sure any one of us could pick at least 10 BIG things in your life where you can say it was ruined because of a fear of some sort, but why? Silly little ego, the things it says it wants most it is most scared of getting!

So freedom is what that good old Love vibration called God gives us... the freedom to make a choice, right or wrong, good or bad, doesn't matter, that's all mind made perceptions anyway, but we are free to choose. If we choose a way that takes us away from harmony with the Whole, they will offer us the choice again, perhaps not in exactly the same form, but it's offered nonetheless. Part of what I used to calling 'passing the tests'. The tests are put in front of you, if you make the wrong choice and fail the test, you will have to sit it again. Does that mean you ultimately have no freedom? That you must choose 'correctly' or be doomed to repeat situations? If you want to look at it like that then I guess you could be right, you have trapped yourself again! If you want to see the ultimate freedom is being in synch with the universe then those tests are just stepping stones to getting to the best possible place to be eh! You can still make your choices! You know what the results will be.... move on and grow, or repeat... the choice is still yours, you are still free to repeat if you like doing that LOL.

Freedom is a state of mind.

Freedom is being free from comparisons, judgements and fears.

Freedom is being liberated from the control of the ego.

That freedom is worth fighting for!

Happy Mothers Day

on behalf of all your fur babies who will wanting to say it to you!!!

May your special day leave you feeling blessed and appreciated and very very loved.

I will be remembering tomorrow that the drool leaving snail trails on my clothes is being put there because they want to be close to me, that the lack of personal space I'm given is because they are continuously trying to say "I love being with you!" that the hair and dust bunnies and the work it causes me is a small price to pay for the unconditional, undying love they give me... God bless the babies, each and every one :o)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

An Early Musing on Reality

Early because my house is empty and quiet and I need a distraction...

What is real? What is illusion? Can an illusion be real?

I was just talking about this with a very dear friend and it's interesting to see how understandings on something can differ so much according to an individuals perspective.

To me it's very simple, everything is real, even a supposed illusion. If it exists it is "real" even if it exists for a finite time. Just because in a hundred years I no longer exist in form doesn't mean I'm not "real." I look at it very simplistically (being complicated is far too hard, I do like simple it appeals to my lazy nature ;o) if everything is "God" and God is infinite then EVERYTHING MUST be real. The base energy of everything be it a fridge, a person, a planet, space, or the unmanifested energy beyond all of that is Ultimately all the same energy. All vibrating at different frequencies, but not different energy, therefore it stands to reason that if you consider this creative force - God - to be real then everything must be real. Just because energy frequencies change, giving rise to some aspects of the manifestation of that energy being limited in 'time' (the illusion here!) doesn't make that form un-real.

I know some teachers, point to this world of form being almost an illusion, and that only the infinite Awareness is real, but I do think they are talking in very simplistic terms to get a very valid point across. To stop us identifying ONLY with the forms around us, to get us out of mind (ego) identification, and that is a valid concept as a pointer to the bigger picture. The same way some teachers point to the fact that ego is not real either, just an 'off' energy vibration, the thing is, it IS an energy vibration, and being anything at all, it is therefore a part of "God" and as real as anything else. Sure the energy frequency can be altered! No arguments there, sure it can be transformed by subjecting it to the higher frequency of Love, but no matter how it appears right now, it exists! Therefore it is real!

Is this hand I look at real? Does it touch and feel? If I cut it will it bleed? This hand is very real, right Now, in this form it is in and being observed in.

Is it illusion? What is an illusion? One definition is "a false appearance or deceptive impression of reality: the mirror gives an illusion of depth."

In that case, for the majority of people on this planet I guess those teachers talking about the world of form being illusion, are correct! For those locked in identification with mind, in identification with form, then yes, it is a false appearance of reality. Reality is this AND MORE!!! If you cannot see the more and think this is all there is, then yes, it's deceptive and a false impression of Reality, however if you KNOW the truth, if you understand with more than just your mind that we ARE the infinite Source then no, it's not an illusion at all, it's just a part of the Whole truth!

Ah bugger, that's only taken 1/2 an hour of musing and I have too much spare time ahead of me... lets see what else I can come up with to add on here...

Are You Real?

Are you a dream? Will you have slipped away in a fog of memory when I wake? Are you illusion, pretending to be here with me now but in reality you are elsewhere? Can I be close to you when we are apart? Are you Real?

Is what I feel for you love? Is the wanting I feel real? Is it an illusion when I think of you as a gift of God?

What is real? This Love? These feelings? This touch?
Is it illusion? These doubts? These thoughts? The loneliness when you are still beside me?

I ask Myself and out of the Stillness I am answered... Nothing but Love is Real, and All is Love. Why do you doubt what is Real? Why do you doubt Love? Why do you withhold the ecstasy, the expansion and the truth of Love from yourself? I created you as perfect, I created you from Love, you are nothing less and can be nothing more, I Am you and I Am Love and you are blessed by Me as Me. LOVE and Love more, without fear, with abandon, without hesitation, with Me. Love will never leave you, your Love is infinite. Our Love does not depend on anything else to Be, it is complete and it is Real. Your fears are illusion, your fears cannot be realised, you can never lose Love, you can never lose the Loved, you will never be alone, we are One, you and he and I, we are the same, never hold back, never try to be less, never fear loss, loss is illusion, I Am infinite and Love is infinite and eternal, never to be lost, but often to be found. Put down your fears, put down your doubts and Love as I Am Love, completely and fully.

Friday, May 6, 2011

God and I

well, we had a good wee chat last night. The shower is my contemplation space and while I was soaking away my cares I started exploring how I saw the Awareness. (God is much shorter to type, so for the sake of describing the Creative energy, I'm just going to use God in a very non typically religious way ;o) I was for example able to see it in the water, I was able to see it in the glass shower doors and then I stopped to think that it was also in the air that filled the gap between the two things, and that of course, it was in me too. That sense of self put up a bit of a token resistance here, it tried to insert a gap between everything else and 'me' but of course what was the gap? God! My skin wasn't a barrier, it was God too, took a minute or so to work through each resistance the mind brought up, acknowledging each thing it wanted to use as a separation as God anyway. Once that was done it was all different, realising even my ego, my protesting, sense of self was part of that all pervading Energy, no gap between it and God, I gave it back to God, I surrendered it (again!) to the Whole and then finally I saw things as God sees them through my eyes, when God is allowed to observe it's creations through a self aware being, I know I'll never be able to explain it well enough that you can even glimpse what it was like, but I (God) fell in Love with the shower, the water, the heat, the shower wall and me within that, it felt like a little kid had been let into a candy shop and this time instead of God watching 'me' play in this realm of form, I watched God play and it was liberating and blissful and something incredible.

I'm sure considering I surrendered ego to Myself, I'll have to do it a few times till I figure out how this all works better LOL, but that sense of freedom, that depth of Love, so so incredible, once experienced there really is no going back.

'Die before you die' they say and realise there is no fear, no separation... I think I've died and gone to heaven :o)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A Light in the Darkness

All in front is darkness.
Fears are alive,
The incessant voice in my head
Feeding pictures of horrors
and dangers ahead.
Fears that have me rooted to the spot.
Thoughts tumbling over each other
My mind is urging me to run
"Run! Turn and run!"
That is the voice of survival!
That is a voice to heed!
But before I can act on it
I feel a presence behind me
So horrified that I freeze.
Mind and body completely still
and in that stillness I realise
my eyes are firmly shut!
I open them, slowly, carefully
and in front of me I see the darkness
of my own shadow.
Turning slowly around
I see the Source
of Light that created that shadow,
a shadow that only exists because
I had turned my back on the Light.
And in that moment, out of the Stillness
I realise darkness is never as deep,
Never as horrifying as that which we see
when our eyes are closed.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Cosmos

The Cosmos
(a complete, orderly, harmonious system)

How does a cosmos appear to you?
Do you see it's order in a well kept house or the aesthetically pleasing clean lines of a skyscraper?
Do you see it's harmony in a structured society or a set or laws to keep order?
Do you see it's perfection in the uniform blades of a freshly mown lawn, or a landscaped garden?
Do you cling to a man made Cosmos that enhances your feelings of control and security?
Can you see it's order in a field of wild flowers, colours splattered like a child's finger painting?
Can you see it's harmony in both a drought and a flood? In the destruction and cleansing they bring?
Can you see it's perfection in the new life growing from the rotting tree in a forest growing wherever their seed fell seemingly random and chaotic?
Can you open the box you've put the universe into and see a cosmos in whatever your eye falls on?
Creation is perfect, Creation is harmonious, Creation is complete, Creation is all there is.
The earth moves around the sun, people are born and people die, the tides sweep in and they flow back out.
Where our limited eye sees chaos, Creation sees perfection, expansion and contraction, as is the natural order.
Whether your mind is expanding or contracting, it doesn't matter, it is still of the cosmos, a perfect, whole, harmonious cosmos.

How to Live ... According to Me :o)

Question anything, seek your own understanding and your own answers, you are not reinventing the wheel you are seeking your own propulsion system!

Don't accept what others tell you blindly, things must make sense to you personally with depth or they will not stand up in times of crisis.

Remember a crisis is just a time of learning! Accept what is happening right now, if you fight against it you will simply get a sore head from bashing it against that brick wall. The Universe is bigger than you, it knows more than you, it WILL unfold as it should, go with the flow!

Pain will happen! Misery however is optional.

You may be broke, this is a temporary situation... Being poor is a state of mind, choose your thoughts and words carefully!

Positive or negative, flip sides of the same coin, but when you can see one side in fullness, the other side is not seen, if you are sick of being negative, turn the coin over and be positive, it is that simple.

If you're into balance, set that coin spinning on its edge and watch the two sides merge!

Find your balance! Know your capabilities and then stretch them. Like a muscle that will atrophy with disuse, your comfort zone if not stretched will atrophy and become smaller and smaller until it becomes your jail cell.

Recognise that the door is always open, if it doesn't look open to you, try the handle, it is always unlocked, don't believe only what your eyes see in front of you, reach out and touch things, push and prod them, see how things work, then you can make them work for you.

Give yourself 100% to your work, whether it be something you love or a means to an end, you are there so make the most of it! Take pride in yourself and what you do.

Don't be scared to pat yourself on the back! Most other people are so wrapped up in their own circumstances they pay no attention to what is going on around them, so you may not get a "well done" from anyone else. If you deserve it, take it! If you don't deserve it, earn it first.

Remember to share the feel good factor, remember everyone around you is the centre of their own universe, introduce them to a larger universe by inserting some feel good factor into theirs. It will help them look up and out.

If you can't Love everyone around you, remember instead that they too are struggling with that. If you can't Love them, empathise with them. You are in the same world, facing the same challenges, swimming in the same tide.

If you can't Love yourself, Love someone else until you can.

If you can't Love yourself or anyone else, get a dog.

If you have any questions no one can answer for you, ask yourself, you'd be surprised at just how wise you can be.

Remember to LIVE!!! No matter what your beliefs, this life is pretty much all we remember, so live it up! Don't sweat the small stuff, don't sweat the big stuff, just live as if this is your last day on earth.

Have no regrets, make peace with your past, act in the present, and always look forward to possibilities of the future.

But remember, the future will not save you from present unhappiness, only you can do that RIGHT NOW!

Now is all you have. Now you can either bask in Joy, Peace and Love and be happy, or you can truly FEEL any other emotion. Don't dwell on why you feel it, it's either from the past, or a fear of the future, but examine the feeling of the sorrow, the anger, the jealousy, LOOK at that feeling and realise it is not truly you, but a reaction to an experience.

WHO You are is a particle of Light, a Spark of the Eternal, you are NOT pain, or sorrow, you are not anger or hate, you simply experience these feelings as part of your learning here.

Let yourself be more than your emotions.

Let yourself Live.

I actually wrote this back in February and basically straight afterwards had a full on battle with ego over some things, even I was challenged to follow my own advice!!!! But we got back there and into balance again LOL.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Music not Musings!

I must confess since I've been trying to live beyond ego and in Love I really hate listening to a lot of love songs on the radio (well, not hate, but you get the picture) it's all about shallow love lost and blah blah blah, and hard to find something worthwhile listening too... but October Project are great, have loved them for years and been listening to them a lot at the moment :o) Have just heard they are in the throws of recording a new album too (without Mary Fahl the lead vocalist) but the same song writers and other singers etc. Should be good stuff, can't wait!

Read through these lyrics and tell me they're not talking about spiritual stuff here :o)

Now I Lay Me Down...

out of the silence
Into the blue
You finally remember where you've been
You finally remember who you are
And you remember the light

Out of the spirit
Into the flesh
The animal heartbeat in the chest
The naked desire
The appetite
But you remember the light

Now I lay me down
To dream
Out of the fire
Into the night
Communion of body into smoke
Human and sacred
The sacrifice
You will remember the light

Now I lay me down
To dream
Now I lay me down
To dream of light

One Dream...

In this dream of life and death
I know so much I will forget
I know your body and your breath
I know your rhythm and your touch
I want you here
I want so much
I fear too much

Far too human to let go
I fight the river and the flow
I fight the love and the fear

I do not want to leave you here
In one body you appear
In this dream

I dream
And I still want so much
To touch the inside

I dream
And I still want to stay
Inside this dream with you

Now I know
That every dream begins with you
And ends in time
Now I know
That maybe I am too alive

If I could speak in tongues of flame
I'd burn forever with your name
And take it with me through all time
I would remember who you are
In every life I'd touch your heart
In every dream

I dream
And I want so much
To touch the inside

I dream
And I still want to stay
Inside this dream with you...

and here they are :o)

If I Could...

If I could
I would always tell the truth
I would always love you
From the heart

If I could
I would take you in my arms
Take you inside
Into my heart

If I could
I would be the place you turn
When you're feeling lonely
Or afraid

I would shine
Like a lantern in the dark
Take you inside
Into my heart

When you feel as if
You don't know who you are
I'll remind you with my love

If I could
I would always keep you safe
Take you inside
Into my heart

When you feel as if
You simply can't go on
I'll remind you that you're strong

If I could
I would love you as you are
Take you inside
Into my heart
Into my arms
Into my life.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Who Am I?

Asked some friends for a few more topics to blurb on about and have got some interesting ones! Well, interesting to me LOL. This one is one that could be so many answers on so many levels and I know I tend to be long winded anyway, so I'll TRY to keep this as concise as possible!

Wow, how this answer has changed over the years! How it's changed just in the last couple of months!

Who am I? I'm Kelley-Anne. Born and bred in New Zealand. Raised Catholic, married at 19, was a mechanic, a cop, married again at 33, a mum and now all sorts of things including an Animal Communicator.

That's just a teeny part of my background that makes up who or what I am, all those past experiences shaping me, moulding my outlooks, my beliefs, strengthening parts of me, weakening others, leading me down certain paths and keeping me away from others. Although there were some problem areas in my past, I have always looked for positives from them, I learned how to look for lessons, find the gifts and say thank you for whatever was chucked at me. I started recognising things with hindsight which I was aware of enough that when the shit hits the fan in situations I'm IN I can start looking for reasons and if they remain unseen, I can at least look for the gifts so I don't get dragged into the negativity the same anymore.

All that was happening along side of the questioning "why are we here?" "What is real?" "What IS God?" and so that personal growth came along side tearing apart my beliefs, re evaluating them and making them fit me personally. I needed answers that the Catholic Church couldn't give me to my satisfaction, so I decided what it was I believed and what I didn't and it brought me comfort and peace, and like I said to a mate... "who cares if it's wrong? I won't know till after I'm dead anyway and even if it's wrong then it did it's job NOW, and that's what I needed."

Then I found some people who backed up what I believed anyway! That was nice to know people who could get books published and were "well known" thought the same sort of thing that I did!

The years tick on by, times of stagnation, times of preparation, and then times of big change and each bit I look back on from the vantage point of now and can see how it all fits together like a ladder to bring to me this point right here, right now, and dang, but this is an incredible point to be at! What I believed I'm now 'experiencing' this is what I've been aching for for years!

So in the deepest sense of "who" I am, I've never changed, I'm energy vibrating at a particular frequency giving the illusion of solid matter, I have a sense of self and an awareness of that which is "more" than just what we can see. I am a child of "God" (is as good a word as any!) and as a part of that Creation, I am made up of that infinite energy source, so although it seems an incredibly simplistic thing to say, I have come to know I Am God.

Who I am is God, who I am is also Kelley-Anne, the witness to God. Without us witnessing God, God would very simply be 'energy', with us witnessing God, with us reflecting God, we and God are both more than that, we are consciousness, awareness and Love.

God sees through our eyes... when we look around us and see 'things' God sees 'things'. When we look around us with the knowledge that whatever our eye sets upon we are looking at a part of ourselves, a part of God, God becomes self aware, God sees itself and God is then God, not just an electromagnetic energy that fluked creation by the nature of the energy it is.

Who am I? I am you, I am the word you read, the breath you take, I Am :o)

Not really a musing at all ...

saw a lovely clip on you-tube last night put up by someone who has done a lot of video's to Rumi's poetry... this one was a clip about kisses... snippets of lots of different poetry etc, was very cool, thought I'd do something about that sort of thing myself and as it was a busy night at work tonight and not much spare time it's lucky it's short to boot LOL

When you are in the embrace, become the embrace, Become the kiss ~ Osho

The world is born when 2 people kiss ~ Octavio Paz

Lovers meet under a starry sky,
coming together to create one soul
Passions igniting, blood burning,
as their lips meet, their bodies share secrets
The self melts away and is replaced with Self
Neither knowing where they stop and the other begins.
As the Love vibrations merge and magnify
It ripples out into the Universe
and in their Loving God quivers in rapture.

And just because this song popped into my head while thinking about it yesterday :o)
The Power of Love - Frankie Goes to Hollywood

This time we go sublime
Lovers entwine devine devine
Love is danger, Love is pleasure
Love is pure, the only treasure

I'm so in love with you
purge the soul
make love your goal.

the power of love
a force from above
cleaning my soul.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Musings on Space

Well 'space' was the first topic to come up, 'surrender' was a close follower and while watching Jet Li in 'Hero' tonight, the scene in which the 2 love birds Broken Sword and Flying Snow fight and Broken Sword drops his sword at the last moment at which point of course he is stabbed by Flying Snow... She says to him "why didn't you fend off my sword?" and he replies "so that you'd believe me." Of course what followed when she knelt behind him after he had died and told him she was taking him home now and pushed the sword right through him and into her was even sadder *sob* but rolling with the "S" words it brought up 'sacrifice'.... All of which are applicable and relevant to me right now. Who knows how long each one will end up, so I may break it into 3 different posts, lets see how fast I can type, only got 8 hours in a shift! LOL (luckily the post time of these posts goes off the start time and not the finish time hehehe)

Space, the final frontier... Eckhart Tolle talks about Space as being that in which other things exist, or the space that allows something to Be... A nice way to describe it, the space which allows something to Be. Of course generally when we think of space it conjures up thoughts of emptiness doesn't it, so giving someone space means giving them an empty place, but when you consider that space, in the context of something which allows something to Be, you would have to be talking about unmanifested Energy, or God, at which point Space becomes nothing but Love, and Love is anything but empty, but Love will always give you space in which you can Be...

My God, but when I look at what I've learnt in the last 4 mths I think it's more than I've learned in my entire life to this point, those stepping stones in life are just always there at the right time in the right place huh? Who knows where you'll find the next one, hidden in the mists of time, but hell you're always thankful for the ones behind you, and the one you're jumping on right now, well, I guess, that one is the single most important one since you're balancing on it LOL. The things I believed before, I now KNOW to be true. I know of the interconnectedness of all things, I know how to still the mind enough to recognise the ego, heck just today, I heard it SHOUTING at me, like a completely different person in my head, "ARE YOU CRAZY??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!" LOL, I know what that Space is, that Space is within me too, I can take refuge in that Space, that Love, I can turn to that when I feel puny and like I'm sinking, and that Spaciousness just lets me Be, and the Love lets me have Peace, and the ego finds it harder and harder to be heard. I've also learned how hard it can be to make space for someone in your life, and yet in other respects, how completely easy it is. Perhaps it's as simple as having learnt to recognise Space that it seems natural to try to ensure there is some there, maybe it's just all about timing LOL. Certainly opening your life to make room for someone else is a beautiful thing to do, it sort of reminds you that you are not a 'whole' on your own, everything is connected.

So I guess I've given myself space to just Be, and I've learned how to do that for others too... I've learned what unconditional Love is.... sucky to the ego at times, but it's all that is left when you strip the ego away, no conditions, no expectations, just a plain and simple I Love You no matter what and the Space in which that Love exists. I guess that Space, that Love, that's home... I've been led home and for that I'm eternally grateful, home is, afterall, where the heart is.

Surrender! (heck these aren't taking long at all!!!) I have a tattoo on my wrist in Chinese calligraphy that in it's most simple translation equates I guess to "surrender". Hadn't actually thought of it as that before, but when I was thinking about what surrender means, then I guess it does in fact mean that. How can you fight what is??? You can't!!! What is, IS, and it's going to be that no matter what you do, so why would you cause yourself pain or anguish or anger and hatred about something that very simply is??? Surrender to what Is, surrender to the Love in which that which Is is found! Labeling it good or bad, right or wrong, will do nothing to alter what is, only how you perceive it to be, I prefer the least painful perceptions thanks!!! I've had enough pain and suffering to last me a lifetime! Now I like to alter my perceptions, it may not be what I would choose for myself if I could control things, but heck it is what is in front of me, so accept it, accept what surrounds that situation as that which is within me too... accept the fact that all is connected, surrender to that and make your peace with what Is. As ET would say "anything else is insanity".

It makes me feel a bit like someone working a 12 step program, but where I've always believed God helps those who help themselves, I understand now that while that is true, there are things you CAN surrender - control, ego, fear based things. The universe is unfolding as it should, you can bash your head against the brick wall trying to stop it, or you can yield to it, surrender to it, go with it and who knows, maybe you'll find out that what the universe had planned for you far exceeded what you'd hoped for anyway!

And that brings us to the last of the three... Sacrifice, the surrendering of something for the sake of something else.

Life is so short, so precious, this experience of 'form' so vibrant so 'alive' that it seems like a crime to waste any part of it, but sometimes for the Peace of another you need to make a sacrifice.

A lot of parents or even animal owners say it's easy eh... I'd lay down my life for my children or animals, and yes, when we see a threat to the safety or well being of a loved one it's a pretty easy call to make! When you love them enough that you put them first without thought of return or reward knowing you are saving them from a physical harm. Is it harder to contemplate when there is no physical harm being threatened? Hell yes! Particularly when we are asked to be the sacrifice right? Far too easy for the ego to fall into victim mode and make a story out of the situation that you can then identify with... Poor me! But how can you do anything but what is asked if Love is involved?! How can you not want what is best for the other person, how can you not willingly sacrifice whatever is asked of you? Like a lamb being led to slaughter, there is no real choice in it, you surrender to it because you see the truth of it. In doing it for their sake you are doing it for yours. Having discovered the Love that we are, how can you contemplate withholding that from another? No conditions means freeing them to do what they want to do whether we like it or agree with it or not, it means Loving them enough to allow them to Be. Funnily enough when you get to that point you realise it doesn't cost you anything, any sacrifice for another doesn't take that Love away from you, that Love you have for them doesn't depend on being reciprocated, and that Love will not be diminished unless you (your ego) allows it to be.

Sure, we can make a story out of it, something to identify with, something to give us the right to feel hurt or the bigger person, or whatever, heck, we sacrificed our happiness for them, or our love for them, but if we can tell a story honestly, if we can do it from total Love, we can say we sacrificed our ego for them... I reckon we are the winners then! :o)

Everything comes with a gift in it's hand for us, it is up to us to identify that and take hold of it... Appreciate the gifts you receive and Love those who have sacrificed things of their own that we may get them, whether they are aware of the sacrifice or not.

Lots and lots of learning, lots and lots of making sure I stay in Love, I guess while I may want things to be different, I can't complain when I keep finding gifts can I?!

I hope you all can find Peace and Love, that you can all recognise that you have within you the space to Be, and that you can surrender your ego's to the God/Love that you are.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Musings on Real Love

What is "love" to you personally? According to Richard Bach Love is the most mangled word aside from God, and I must say I have to agree with him! Both words should be a signpost to something that in reality cannot be explained by words, but the words now are cheap and nasty, thrown around so often without thought that they mean nothing compared to what they COULD mean!

I guess that has a lot to do with us being such a verbal species doesn't it... we have to be able to explain something to someone else, and if they don't get what we mean, if their level of understanding is not equal to our own, we have to dilute what we want to say until they can grasp the concept at least enough to participate in what we are talking about. We also learn to say without feeling... how often do we say "I love you" to someone or something and not FEEL what we say? We pay lip service only. I've noticed this a lot when talking to animals about how their owners feel about them. The owner could say it 10 times a day, but if it is lip service only what is it the animal "hears"? Nothing! FEEL it and let them hear it through that energy.

The word love now has 3 very different levels of meaning, the first two based very much in the realm of ego... the love of the lovable, love of something because you get something from that, and lastly the Unconditional Love, worthy of it's very own capital letters!

on page 3 of 17 on one site I went to and searched "love quotes" I finally found something talking about more than an egoic love and it's by my beloved Rumi the sufi poet...

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" - Rumi

And there lies a huge truth and even more, and more again hidden in the layers you could stip away of that one sentence.

Ego has constructed many barriers against Love, for the Unconditional Love denies ego of it's sense of self. That Love is infinite and eternal and that Love is WHAT WE ARE! Don't seek it outside of yourself, don't seek it in someone else, just remove the barriers of your ego, remove your fears, your doubts, remove your thoughts that say anything but, shut the ego up and FEEL it for yourself. That Love that allows everything to simply BE as it is, that Love that expects nothing, demands nothing, doesn't judge and doesn't label. Can you do that? To anything? Can you Love yourself like that? Do you place expectations on yourself and others? Then it's not unconditional is it...

Do you love beautiful things? Or do you Love things and they are then beautiful in the light of that Love?

Do you love another person because their love for you gives you value? Or do you Love yourself, perceived flaws and all and then have the freedom to extend that Love to another?

Do you put conditions on your love? I will love you if.... I will love you because... Find something innocent, find something pure, a new born baby, a puppy, a flower open to the sun, a bird in flight, just look at it, feel the awe, feel the joy, feel the Love, there is no "I love you because..." there is only I Love you. In things of innocence, in pure things, the Love that is manifested in form, that is in everything we see or touch is mirrored back so perfectly. If you quiet the mind, remove all labels it wants to put on things, you will feel it ripple through your heart and soul, you will feel it disturb the mind, for a split second you will be lost for words, there you have touched the Love that is already within you. There in that moment you have rediscovered the Love that is your birth right, the Love that is your greatest gift to yourself and the world.

You have that Love already, you don't need to seek it, you ARE that Love already, you just need to learn to recognise it again, in yourself, in others, in 'things'. Everything is perfect just as it is, nothing needs to be changed or added. Nothing needs to be altered or adjusted, whatever it is you are perceiving IS that Love already, that perfect, omnipotent Love. It will be that whether you love it or not, whether it satisfies your expectations or not. It IS that Love already, not judged, complete, unconditional, as are you...

How do you truly explain the lack of demand this Love has, how can you truly explain the freedom finding this Love gives you? So hard, and so the word is already mangled and mutilated, but the truth of it is there no matter what.

You ARE unconditional Love, whether you feel it or recognise it or not. Do not seek it, it's like looking everywhere but at a mirror to find yourself, but learn to still the judgmental mind, learn to quiet the ego and rediscover that Real Love for yourself! Live in that Love and allow yourself to be a mirror that others are able to look at and are able to feel 'special', whole, invaluable and perfect just as they are.

My Love...

I sought you, My Love, for many years, despairing of ever finding you.
I sought you in many lands, knowing you had to be somewhere.
I sought you in many faces, praying I would recognise you.
I sought you, My Love, because I knew you were my One and only.
I sought you because I needed your Love.
I sought you because I knew only you could save me.

I confess I became disillusioned after time
I confess I became disenchanted as I toiled through deserts
I confess I became disheartened when the faces I looked into were empty of you
I confess I became discouraged and vowed to seek you no more in despair.

It was then, when I stopped looking, I found you.
It was then, when I was still that I saw you.
It was then, when I was quiet that I heard you.
It was then, when I had no expectations that I felt your Love.

Now I know My Love
Now I know your name
Now I know your face
Now I know I Am in Love.

"Throughout our lives we long to love ourselves more deeply and to feel connected with others. Instead, we often contract, fear intimacy, and suffer a bewildering sense of separation. We crave love, and yet we are lonely. Our delusion of being separate from one another, of being apart from all that is around us, gives rise to all of this pain."
~ Sharon Salzberg

Musings on Heroes

Hero -
noun, plural -roes;
1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal: He was a local hero when he saved the drowning child.
3. the principal male character in a story, play, film, etc.
4. Classical Mythology .
a. a being of godlike prowess and beneficence who often came to be honored as a divinity.
b. (in the Homeric period) a warrior-chieftain of special strength, courage, or ability.
c. (in later antiquity) an immortal being; demigod.

We spend our whole life watching them fly across a screen, with super powers, always "more" than we are, always there in the nick of time to catch us as we fall, to save us from the evil villian, but really, what is a hero?

A hero to me is the one who lets you fall, the one who is there beside you as you go splat, the one who knows that your biggest gains will be from picking yourself up again. To me a hero is one who will open your eyes to the fact there is no evil villian but the one your own fears have made. Now THAT in todays society is a brave act! In our society at the moment we like to play the blame game don't we... There is no taking responsibility for our own actions any more we blame everyone else for our shortcomings, from our parents to teachers, to government, employers, even the non performing hero is likely to be turned into a zero if he doesn't live up to our 'save us from having to take any responsibility' games we play.

How many of us would even recognise a Hero that is saving us only from ourselves? How firmly are our blinkers on to the fact that we are the villian, our own worst enemy that we are wanting to be saved from? And if a true superman existed to save us in the nick of time, how long would it be before we blamed him when he couldn't get there in time to save us from the position we had put ourselves in simply because we were now prepared to take stupid risks knowing someone would get our asses out of the fire before it was all too late? How long would it be before our lack of true gratitude, our lack of true respect due to the lack of responsibility we should be taking, would turn that hero against those he was trying to save? How long before that crutch, became a wheelchair, became a coffin?

Lets face it, while we can blame someone else for our failings we will continue to die a little, we certainly won't be Living, Loving or growing!

So where is the hero that risks disdain, abuse and contempt in order to help you learn? He is the one who is there DESPITE the disdain, abuse and contempt you heap upon him, the one who will ensure you DO get up again after hitting the deck, even if it means kicking your butt until you get up yourself! The true hero is the one who comes from a place of real Love, who knows what you actually NEED better than you do and will help you get through it, maybe battered, maybe bruised, but wiser, more complete as a person, and perhaps, just maybe, ready to be a hero yourself...

So come on, hands up.... who wants that job? There is no wonder there is a lack of heroes out there huh? Takes a special type of someone to put up with all we heap upon them and still come back for more!

To my heroes.... I thank you from the bottom of my heart xxxx