Saturday, June 18, 2011

Musings on Death...

Last weekend I didn't really have any abstract things to muse on and had thought about musing on death and that's as far as it got, just the heading LOL (I was tired!) but this weekend it is now a very relevant topic... Karma my 9yr old Ridgeback/Lab cross pinched a nerve in her back sometime over Monday night (probably slipping down the stairs in the middle of the night) and paralysed her back end (minus her tail!) unfortunately it locked her bladder shut too so she was unable to pee. My local vets said there wasn't anything they could really do for her and sent us home with some painkillers (at this stage it wasn't known if she was able to pee or not.) The next day still no pee in sight so I rang a vet centre in Nelson who do acupuncture too and took her across there on Wednesday. She was very sore when they tried to put the needles in and getting pretty stressed by now. I left her there to have another treatment on Friday morning, I'd go across Friday afternoon and she'd have another treatment Saturday before coming home with me and see how she was going as the lovely Tommy Berhens the horse chiropractor is coming to town next weekend, so if we could get her thru till then to see him, it may be an easy fix!

So she had a day of rest on Thursday in Nelson at the vets, with just the catheter to be done to empty her bladder out and they were topping her up with some good painkillers. Pete was going to head across on Friday morning to be with her during her 2nd acupuncture treatment (in case she was still worried about it) since work was slow for him... On Thursday night in the shower (my contemplation place remember? LOL) I had a talk to Karma and got from her that she was ready to go. At 9yrs old she was a bit of a lame old cripple with arthritis everywhere, 2 bung cruciates, a bung front elbow and various other lumps and bumps appearing, and she was enjoying being pain free and wanted to continue to be pain free... Now this little girl used to be terrified of dying after watching her beloved Tai (the Great Dane) be put down at home in front of her and the others, and he was scared. So she's always been a staunch wee girl about her pain, not wanting to show it or complain about it in case she was put down too! But now, finally she was ready, so I told Pete that Friday would be a good chance for him to say his goodbyes etc which thankfully he was able to do.

I got over there just before closing on Friday evening and had a quick 10 min chat with her to confirm what I'd gotten previously, had a quick cuddle and had to leave for them to shut. Bruce and I headed back in the morning with the plan then that Karma wouldn't have her last acupuncture but would be put to sleep instead. So we had lots of cuddles and chats, and more cuddles, and photos and more cuddles and then she had a sleep on my lap and then it was time to farewell my Beautiful Lady.

Those bloody needles they use are always far too big and it hurt her as it always seems too, I HATE that part, but then she went to sleep in my arms as I told her what a good job she'd done over the years, how proud I was of her and how much she was loved until long after she stopped breathing...

Now here's the lovely part... first of all, on Thursday (in the shower) I'd felt Tai the Great Dane with her, now Tai was a fantastic dog, noble like a typical Dane, but a big sooky lala and a real clown who liked to just race around the paddock like a lean mean racing sardine, he was my boy :) But the 'presence' of Tai that I felt was so much more than that... there was none of that playfulness but rather a very noble, calm and confident presence that just oozed power, it honestly felt GOD like rather than dog like!!! and it wouldn't take a shape it was just an energy there, almost like a cloud... so after Karma had let go of her body I checked for her and Tai and in my minds eye I saw these 2 'clouds' of energy having met and spiraling up into the air around each other, like a tornado, and within that spiraling energy was the most joyous feeling of reconnection like two lovers meeting in a dance, it was beautiful to 'see' them together again...

When I said to her that we would take her body home to put with Tai under the pear tree she said it didn't matter, she understood now :) but it is important for other members of the family, wee Marcus included, to be able to say goodbye, so home she came with me to be buried in the morning with Pete and Marcus there. Now when I've spoken to Karma since, she is just like Tai!!! Gone is the bossy, maternal little Karma dog, and instead I am talking to a 'Lady', gracious, serene and again oozing that 'power' that I felt with Tai, just like a Goddess, so my Lord and Lady, my God and Goddess are together again in spirit, no more separation, and I am happy that she is not only OK but that she is more than OK. I'll have to add a photo when I get home, altho I did get some up on Facebook before I had to come to work...lets see if I remember how to do the link!


and I shall attempt to do my musings on death later, or tomorrow night if I run out of time, with Karma's help :)

Karma enjoying a massage with Bruce

Smiley Girl :)

Karma and Marcus Just a week ago

My Beautiful Lady

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