and I nearly missed it! At the rate time is flying by the end will have come and gone unnoticed LOL.
Can't believe I haven't posted since September (I blame FaceBook! You post things there and think you've told the world LOL)
So... I quit night shift, tried 4 different types of sleeping pills before the last lot actually worked at resetting the poor old body's clock and sleep is all A-OK again (bliss!)
We had a late start to Spring and we've had a wet summer so far, poor old world is trying to turn itself over and upsetting the weather patterns somewhat! Got some hay cut and dragged off the paddock 2 days before Christmas which we spent in Christchurch with my dear friend/sister, Lisa which was lovely. Home so Bruce could get to work over in Nelson clearing some slips after the deluge they had over there, and Marcus was with Pete so I got a weeks holiday to myself, got quite used to sleeping in!!! Alas Marcus was back before that habit became ingrained LOL.
Took both Mac and Smokey to our dressage comp in December, the 1st and last one for them for the year! Both were very good boys for not having been ridden diddly squat :o) Have since been gearing them up with a few more rides for a bit of fitness work so I can get them out and about to some Trail Rides, next one is next weekend! So their feet have just been trimmed, the grass is being rationed even more (fat little piglets they are!) and I'm aiming to take Mac, but we'll see on the day (if it's blowing like a you know what, it'll be Smokey going LOL.
Roger has gone to the neighbours place to be a paddock mate for her horse which is lovely, he doesn't have to be stripped grazed there, and gets more attention there than he did here so he's as happy as a pig in mud :o)
Took Mac up the road for a short road ride last weekend, traffic really doesn't impress the stress freak, but it was dead quiet on Sunday so we went out for a change, he decided the little wooden bridge on the road to the school had a troll living under it, but eventually he knew I was just going to keep nagging till he did it so he gave in. Took us 20 mins to get the the end of our one way trip and 7 mins to get home LOL. He decided his beautiful big power trot was called for to get home and that was it! Smokey was next and it was his 1st ever proper road ride (outside of the 300 metres to the end of our dead end road) and he was a complete star :o) Didn't set a foot wrong. Stopped at the bridge, had a sniff at the wood and then tip toed across it. Had horses screaming at him from both sides of the road and he behaved beautifully. Always very proud of my wee Kai.
So that's a quick catch up! Still working driving trucks, still doing communication, still busy busy.
Oh! And reading The Law of Attraction by Abraham-Hicks, very good book, very good at the explanations of how we attract what we think about and how sometimes when we try so hard to attract something it doesn't work... Love the way they talk about the "Inner being" being your GPS by way of emotions.... if you are feeling a negative emotion, you are negatively attracting and out of synch with the Source, if you are feeling a positive emotion you are positively attracting and in synch, pay attention to the feelings you feel!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Spring already!
Wow this year is flying by! Sad to say my nightshift musings are coming to an end (altho they've been sadly lacking of late anyway!) Unfortunately since the beginning of the year my sleeping patterns altered from a sleep anywhere and for a looooooong time to just can't sleep! This has been steadily getting worse and altho I thought I was coping "OK" with being tired thru the week I obviously wasn't, the stress built up internally till my heart started playing up merry hell and I started having mini meltdowns and of course in the midst of all this I'm telling myself "I can't sleep!!!!" so it's been compounding and a vicious circle. Bruce put his foot down the other day after I confessed at the dinner table just exactly how bad the stress was and said the night shifts had to go.... only a compounding issue, not the cause but it's bad enough I actually agreed with him, so this is my last night shift! I also chucked in collecting eggs at the free range farm about 3-4 weeks ago now (can't believe I did that for 2 yrs!) so my weekends will be my own again!!! And it shouldn't take me till Friday each week to try to repay at least part of the sleep debt so I'll have more energy for the communication work that is picking back up again :o)
Auckland was quiet at the expo for me, but it was lovely as usual to catch up with friends and family and just talk to like minded people at the expo. Had a couple of enquiries at the expo about doing workshops, so I might look at putting one or two together, if anyone is interested in details or attendance etc feel free to email me or connect here or on FaceBook etc.
And with the weekends free and energy to spare I'll be back on those horses again! Smokey and Mac have only been ridden once or twice since about February and I must confess Mac was a perfect angel to get on after that length of time off! A pleasant surprise, so we may actually get back to some animal updates too!
Of course I haven't stopped musing some things (and have beaten myself up just lately for having done all this musing to still let this lack of sleep thing affect me like it has, I should know better!) and along the lines of the last post about how can God be the Song if we are not the Singer... I just had a thought a day or two ago, that it is thru us and our beliefs and fears that God the Infinite can actually experience what it is to be 'finite' or have an end... even if it's not true, if an atheist, for example, believes that death is the complete end and nothing exists afterwards, then it is thru that belief, those thoughts, the possible fears, and the visualisation of the nothing afterwards that 'God' can get an inkling of what is may be to cease to be... Just a pondering :o)
So that's my quick catch up, enjoy your spring for those of you on this side of the world, I guess the leaves are turning and looking fantastic for those of you who are approaching hibernation time too :o)
Enjoy the world of colours and change!
Auckland was quiet at the expo for me, but it was lovely as usual to catch up with friends and family and just talk to like minded people at the expo. Had a couple of enquiries at the expo about doing workshops, so I might look at putting one or two together, if anyone is interested in details or attendance etc feel free to email me or connect here or on FaceBook etc.
And with the weekends free and energy to spare I'll be back on those horses again! Smokey and Mac have only been ridden once or twice since about February and I must confess Mac was a perfect angel to get on after that length of time off! A pleasant surprise, so we may actually get back to some animal updates too!
Of course I haven't stopped musing some things (and have beaten myself up just lately for having done all this musing to still let this lack of sleep thing affect me like it has, I should know better!) and along the lines of the last post about how can God be the Song if we are not the Singer... I just had a thought a day or two ago, that it is thru us and our beliefs and fears that God the Infinite can actually experience what it is to be 'finite' or have an end... even if it's not true, if an atheist, for example, believes that death is the complete end and nothing exists afterwards, then it is thru that belief, those thoughts, the possible fears, and the visualisation of the nothing afterwards that 'God' can get an inkling of what is may be to cease to be... Just a pondering :o)
So that's my quick catch up, enjoy your spring for those of you on this side of the world, I guess the leaves are turning and looking fantastic for those of you who are approaching hibernation time too :o)
Enjoy the world of colours and change!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Pet Expo in Auckland Next Weekend!
Wow! I can't believe it's been a year already! Time to head up to Auckland for the Pet Expo again!
Will be manning a stand with the lovely Jeanne Northwood from Energyworks and will be stealing some more of her great lotions and potions!
I'll have some discounted vouchers for consultations and some Himalayan Crystal Salt there and will be available for consults or one on one communication workshops on the Monday and Tuesday (29th and 30th August) so feel free to make contact if you need me for anything, otherwise it'll be fantastic to meet anyone who feels so inclined at the Expo on the weekend. Was pleasantly surprised after attending the last one, so make sure you come along and check out all the different clubs, animals, and products on offer!
Will be manning a stand with the lovely Jeanne Northwood from Energyworks and will be stealing some more of her great lotions and potions!
I'll have some discounted vouchers for consultations and some Himalayan Crystal Salt there and will be available for consults or one on one communication workshops on the Monday and Tuesday (29th and 30th August) so feel free to make contact if you need me for anything, otherwise it'll be fantastic to meet anyone who feels so inclined at the Expo on the weekend. Was pleasantly surprised after attending the last one, so make sure you come along and check out all the different clubs, animals, and products on offer!
Monday, July 11, 2011
If you are not the singer, how can God be the song?
driving to work tonight I was, as I seem to be doing a lot lately, thinking about how precious this physical body is... I was singing away at the top of my lungs (probably very badly!) to October Project and thinking that once we are dead and have left this form I would no longer be able to sing, or even "hear" a song. I thought I would have the memory of that song and singing it, but another thought overrode that, I would BE the song, but I would no longer be the singer. That gave rise to something I've mentioned before and think often enough, that without us being aware of the Creator, without us being SELF aware, then in reality God as "God" doesn't exist. Creation becomes aware of itself thru US being aware of it. It is by us observing God in a flower, a bird, a loved one or anything else you can see it in, that God becomes aware of itself as God. So if we are not the singer, how can God be the song? The song cannot exist in thought alone, it would be just a thought, it requires sound, music, a singer before it is a 'song', thus God requires us to be aware before it is the Creator... Quite a responsibility really, and yet quite an ego boosting one too LOL, after all, animals cannot reflect God to itself because they are not 'self aware' the same way we are. Many of them see themselves as part of the One, but they see ONLY that which gives rise to no sense of awareness of 'more'. We because of our ego have a sense of separateness that enables us to see ourselves as different to other things, therefore easier to see the Creator in other things, which is what, as I see it, gives us the specific type of awareness that God needs in order to see itself.
hmmmmm tired tonight (shattered last night!) and I get the feeling if I try to explain it any clearer I'm going to make it murkier, so I shall leave that train of thought there.
Last night actually, I did an email to the Beloved about my views on Life, excuse the last paragraph, it was after all a personal email to Bruce, but it is how I see Life, and I might as well share since you're subjected to everything else I think anyway LOL.
Life
The journey that is Life. From birth to death, and from being dead to being alive. A journey of self discovery, an exploration, unmapped, unknown with the potential therefore to be nothing less than exciting.
Life. Physical, short and precious. Full. Of whatever you choose. Actions, reactions, consequences of actions. Dreams, fears, disappointments, contentment, boredom or excitement. But always full.
A journey walked with others, sometimes many, sometimes few, but never in isolation.
Life. A physical manifestion drawing us out of the Whole, leaving us with no memory of the One Life, but the possibility of rediscovering that anew with every passing moment of time.
Life, where time passes and we watch form decay. Life, where we are subject to the Laws of Science. Life, with all our perceived constraints within it.
The playground of Life, the school of 'hard knocks', where we learn by physical expression the Laws of Cause and Effect, the Laws of Cumulative Effect, where we live under and subject to Laws.
Life, blink and you may miss it, cry too long and you'll never see it clearly, stare it in the eye and ride it like a rollercoaster, it may scream around corners terrifying you at the thought of a derailment but after all it's up and downs you know it's going to end and you can get off the ride.
Life, able to be shared, uniquely able to be seen from anothers perspective, while walking your own path.
I love my life, the warmth of sun on my skin, the feel of rain wetting and chilling me, the touch of a loved one, the responsibilities of loving and being loved. The stresses and the challenges, the joys and the laughter. The salty taste of tears and the comfort of arms around me. I love the bite of tiredness, and the blissful sleep that reminds me of a small death. I love the sound of thunder, observing the living, the movement, the breathing, dynamic even when still. I love the feeling of Nature, from the hardest rock, to the roughest tree, to the fluidity of water, to the suppleness of skin. I love the solidity of the manufactured, not a 'living' cell in it, but it's vibrancy is unsurpassed.
I love my life and all the lives it has touched. Adults and children, animal and human, all from the same Source, brushing against me and bringing learning and expansion, bringing challenges and frustration, bringing love and Love. Some barely meeting before disappearing into their own uncharted territory, others sharing a more parallel journey of discovery, delighting in sharing observations and experiences, learning with and from each other. Never in isolation.
I love the journey of my life and I am ever grateful for the company found along the way. I am blessed to be walking beside you in your journey, to be close enough to hold hands, to be seeing so many things through your eyes, of experiencing more than just my own life. Aware enough, alive enough, to see the One when I see You. Aware enough, dying enough, to look with wonder at our forms and treasure them, to experience them, to burn into the fabric of the Whole the memory of the look, the sound, the touch of these bodies and all the carnal experiences they allow. Precious, fleeting, never to be repeated, no other body will feel your skin like I do, no other eyes will see you like I do, no other heart will love you quite like I do, this experience, this expansion of the One, is something unique to you and I, and I thank you, I thank Life, I thank the Whole for that, and I hop on this rollercoaster and I hold on tight, and although sometimes I may shut my eyes, I know that I'm safe and having the ride of my Life, and I Love it!
hmmmmm tired tonight (shattered last night!) and I get the feeling if I try to explain it any clearer I'm going to make it murkier, so I shall leave that train of thought there.
Last night actually, I did an email to the Beloved about my views on Life, excuse the last paragraph, it was after all a personal email to Bruce, but it is how I see Life, and I might as well share since you're subjected to everything else I think anyway LOL.
Life
The journey that is Life. From birth to death, and from being dead to being alive. A journey of self discovery, an exploration, unmapped, unknown with the potential therefore to be nothing less than exciting.
Life. Physical, short and precious. Full. Of whatever you choose. Actions, reactions, consequences of actions. Dreams, fears, disappointments, contentment, boredom or excitement. But always full.
A journey walked with others, sometimes many, sometimes few, but never in isolation.
Life. A physical manifestion drawing us out of the Whole, leaving us with no memory of the One Life, but the possibility of rediscovering that anew with every passing moment of time.
Life, where time passes and we watch form decay. Life, where we are subject to the Laws of Science. Life, with all our perceived constraints within it.
The playground of Life, the school of 'hard knocks', where we learn by physical expression the Laws of Cause and Effect, the Laws of Cumulative Effect, where we live under and subject to Laws.
Life, blink and you may miss it, cry too long and you'll never see it clearly, stare it in the eye and ride it like a rollercoaster, it may scream around corners terrifying you at the thought of a derailment but after all it's up and downs you know it's going to end and you can get off the ride.
Life, able to be shared, uniquely able to be seen from anothers perspective, while walking your own path.
I love my life, the warmth of sun on my skin, the feel of rain wetting and chilling me, the touch of a loved one, the responsibilities of loving and being loved. The stresses and the challenges, the joys and the laughter. The salty taste of tears and the comfort of arms around me. I love the bite of tiredness, and the blissful sleep that reminds me of a small death. I love the sound of thunder, observing the living, the movement, the breathing, dynamic even when still. I love the feeling of Nature, from the hardest rock, to the roughest tree, to the fluidity of water, to the suppleness of skin. I love the solidity of the manufactured, not a 'living' cell in it, but it's vibrancy is unsurpassed.
I love my life and all the lives it has touched. Adults and children, animal and human, all from the same Source, brushing against me and bringing learning and expansion, bringing challenges and frustration, bringing love and Love. Some barely meeting before disappearing into their own uncharted territory, others sharing a more parallel journey of discovery, delighting in sharing observations and experiences, learning with and from each other. Never in isolation.
I love the journey of my life and I am ever grateful for the company found along the way. I am blessed to be walking beside you in your journey, to be close enough to hold hands, to be seeing so many things through your eyes, of experiencing more than just my own life. Aware enough, alive enough, to see the One when I see You. Aware enough, dying enough, to look with wonder at our forms and treasure them, to experience them, to burn into the fabric of the Whole the memory of the look, the sound, the touch of these bodies and all the carnal experiences they allow. Precious, fleeting, never to be repeated, no other body will feel your skin like I do, no other eyes will see you like I do, no other heart will love you quite like I do, this experience, this expansion of the One, is something unique to you and I, and I thank you, I thank Life, I thank the Whole for that, and I hop on this rollercoaster and I hold on tight, and although sometimes I may shut my eyes, I know that I'm safe and having the ride of my Life, and I Love it!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Discussing Death with Karma...
So lets muse on death and what it means to me, and there will be things I will put to Karma now too, and get her new perspective on... to make it simple I'll put Karma in quotation marks so we know what is her and what is me :)
Death, the final frontier! LOL. Well, perhaps not even the 'final' frontier, just what we would consider final since we don't really remember where we've come from, and that this form is a temporary experience for us.
What is it most of us are scared of when we think of death? Is it the ceasing to exist? Is it not being able to interact with loved ones? Is it the pain that is expected to go with it? For me, to be honest there are 2 aspects that cause me just a little concern, that is the pain (having suffered heart attacks before, I know death may NOT be quick or painless, and that sucks!) or the pain/discomfort that would come with an illness like cancer for example. I'm not as staunch as I like to think I am with pain!!! But apart from that it would be the guilt of leaving my loved ones without me, when I perceive they may not be ready to do that, ie Marcus being only 5 yrs old, the animals needing to be looked after and not knowing who would be able to do that satisfactarily, heck, even Bruce since we've only just gotten together and I know how cheated I would feel if he was removed from my life! So those little things stop me longing to 'go home' too much just yet, and yet since I've realised that we don't really have to 'go' anyway to be One with the Creator I've sometimes found myself longing for the formless again. In fact I must confess most recently when talking with Karma in the shower, I found myself asking/telling her to take me home with her... lets face it, some things would be a heck of a lot easier without all this material rubbish to deal with huh? Without ego, without money or lack of, or illness, or anything else... it would be quite blissful to be returned to Love and just be able to watch and Love from outside of the material world we are in right now. It was only telling her that then, that made me aware I may well be manifesting something lovely like cancer to do that for me, so decided I'd quit it LOL.
So there are a couple of wee fears in there too, but in reality I have this longing to go home that certainly stops me fearing what happens after death. I guess in that respect I am very lucky to have been able to talk to my animals so soon after death, to KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt that not only do they still exist, not only that they are OK, but that they are more than OK, they are not lost to us at all, they have not 'moved on' just shifted their vibration to a more pure one, vibrating at such a frequency we now have trouble seeing them, as we are so used to viewing the sluggish vibrating energy that we live in, appearing to be so solid, so 'real' when in reality we are just the slowest form of energy around LOL.
"I was scared of being 'taken away' like Tai was. Of not wanting to leave everyone but not being able to stop it happening, of it being out of my control. I was scared of showing pain in case you took it all away from me. I didn't want to go, I had jobs to do, a family to raise. I had learned to live with my pain, but when the new pain came, when it was going to be here for a while, when it made some other pains worse, it was too much. It became enough that I shed the fears, the pain became bigger than the fears, in the end the fears became the least important part. When I let my fears go Tai was able to come in, and when he came in there could be no fear. Tai was Love, whole and complete and just there, not waiting for me, but waiting with me."
Is that why death sometimes brings such pain and suffering with it? To bring us finally to the point where we so want to be rid of that we release our fears of death? Perhaps that is one of the reasons, I'm pretty sure another reason is to help the family come to the point of wanting to release their loved one from their suffering too, so that relief is there rather than such a raw grief.
Then on the flip side of that is death as the great escape right? I guess if I look honestly at the sometimes longing I have to go home, I can recognise that there. What I think I have found with Bruce is something so precious, so much potential if we don't let ego sabotage it, that I have this terrible fear of ego doing just that. Of us allowing what is there to be polluted, to be dragged down from Love to something so much less, to see that happen..... well, that is just plain scary! To be able to say, I had that, I tasted that, so much more than so many find in their lifetime, that is good! Lets quit now, before we cock it all up (oh my, my fear of failure is a shocker isn't it?!) guess I still have plenty of work to do on ego! LOL, my musings always allow me to see something in myself I hadn't quite recognised fully before! OK OK, I have my homework sorted, lets move on :)
So what is death actually like?
"All of a sudden I was weightless. Like a magnet had lost it's power and I was no longer 'held' there. In that respect looking back it was like I had been trapped in the body and was no longer trapped. When I shed the body I shed the body associated emotions with it, I stepped out of pain, out of fear, out of the wants, out of the discomforts, and into more 'pure' emotions. Emotions that are not burdened by physicality, emotions like Joy, serenity, not of awe for something but of being Awe and at that point of Joyful Love."
I ask Karma what it was like at that point to return to the Whole like that and she shuts me straight down LOL. She wasn't 'returning' at all, she had never not been part of that, so I will have to find a way to reword it, perhaps what was it like to be AWARE of being the Whole suddenly, from feeling separate prior... what was it like to lose the sense of separation?
"it was lost as soon as I left the body, it was like one of those body thoughts, like pain, that was left behind as I left the body."
Was that sense of separation then, for you too, like ego and if so, does that mean ego, or the sense of identity is lost when we leave our body?
"Identity is not fully the same as ego. You are your body but you are more than your body too. Identity is ego, but it is also more than ego. Ego belongs to the physical, and like leaving your body behind but not losing any of what you are, your identity is still whole even while it sheds the ego. Ego is the denseness, the slow vibration, it is physicality, it can be shed while taking from it the kernel of pure vibrational energy that is it's core."
What is ego then Karm?
"Ego is Self that we haven't been able to maintain at a high enough vibration. It slipped to match the slower vibration of the physical and became stuck in the physical, it can of course be lifted again as can your bodies vibration. The easiest way is to maintain small vibrational lifts. To swing from high to low does nothing, but to lift it slightly and HOLD that lift then anchors it at the new level, so you can lift it again, and again... change one thought pattern, one 'belief' at a time, anchor that firmly, push for too much too early and you will lose the lot and slump back to the lower vibration with a new belief of failing... baby steps."
I bring up with her while we are chatting others being there to meet her etc and she says that there weren't there to meet her but they'd never not been there. I tell her I understand but it's hard to word it well, so I ask "what about JoeJoe?" (my old Long Coat Shepherd who is now a guide for me and who has said he will always be 'within' me.) She simply replied "he was never NOT there." and I guess that's it isn't it, I have this feeling that he is 'within me' so he is there and not somewhere else, however being infinite he is of course everywhere, just that he knows I will recognise him best (and keep me looking within for answers) if we used that analogy for me. That's leads on to the whole infinite then being within me, blah blah blah, round and round in circles with the head trying to analyse what it can't! So lets leave that part there LOL.
I ask Karma if there is anything she would like to say to anyone who may read this about death... "don't be afraid of the pain. As soon as it is done the pain is not only finished but it no longer exists, like taking off a heavy overcoat, once it is taken off, the weight of it no longer affects you, and once you no longer have that pain, it is like you never had it, you remember the pain, but the memory is not physical, you do not re hurt when you remember it. All that is physical is left behind including the dense, slow vibrational physical 'memories' or emotions. You know what you went thru but it is now just something you experienced, not pain, not negative, you do not hurt anymore. Remember you are never alone, but after you take off the overcoat, after you shed your body you realise the truth of that completely, you 'see' with more than your physical eyes."
Thank you my darling girl, I can sense Tai "waiting" for her patiently, they still have much dancing to do!
Go dance you young Lovers, we'll talk again xxxx
Death, the final frontier! LOL. Well, perhaps not even the 'final' frontier, just what we would consider final since we don't really remember where we've come from, and that this form is a temporary experience for us.
What is it most of us are scared of when we think of death? Is it the ceasing to exist? Is it not being able to interact with loved ones? Is it the pain that is expected to go with it? For me, to be honest there are 2 aspects that cause me just a little concern, that is the pain (having suffered heart attacks before, I know death may NOT be quick or painless, and that sucks!) or the pain/discomfort that would come with an illness like cancer for example. I'm not as staunch as I like to think I am with pain!!! But apart from that it would be the guilt of leaving my loved ones without me, when I perceive they may not be ready to do that, ie Marcus being only 5 yrs old, the animals needing to be looked after and not knowing who would be able to do that satisfactarily, heck, even Bruce since we've only just gotten together and I know how cheated I would feel if he was removed from my life! So those little things stop me longing to 'go home' too much just yet, and yet since I've realised that we don't really have to 'go' anyway to be One with the Creator I've sometimes found myself longing for the formless again. In fact I must confess most recently when talking with Karma in the shower, I found myself asking/telling her to take me home with her... lets face it, some things would be a heck of a lot easier without all this material rubbish to deal with huh? Without ego, without money or lack of, or illness, or anything else... it would be quite blissful to be returned to Love and just be able to watch and Love from outside of the material world we are in right now. It was only telling her that then, that made me aware I may well be manifesting something lovely like cancer to do that for me, so decided I'd quit it LOL.
So there are a couple of wee fears in there too, but in reality I have this longing to go home that certainly stops me fearing what happens after death. I guess in that respect I am very lucky to have been able to talk to my animals so soon after death, to KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt that not only do they still exist, not only that they are OK, but that they are more than OK, they are not lost to us at all, they have not 'moved on' just shifted their vibration to a more pure one, vibrating at such a frequency we now have trouble seeing them, as we are so used to viewing the sluggish vibrating energy that we live in, appearing to be so solid, so 'real' when in reality we are just the slowest form of energy around LOL.
"I was scared of being 'taken away' like Tai was. Of not wanting to leave everyone but not being able to stop it happening, of it being out of my control. I was scared of showing pain in case you took it all away from me. I didn't want to go, I had jobs to do, a family to raise. I had learned to live with my pain, but when the new pain came, when it was going to be here for a while, when it made some other pains worse, it was too much. It became enough that I shed the fears, the pain became bigger than the fears, in the end the fears became the least important part. When I let my fears go Tai was able to come in, and when he came in there could be no fear. Tai was Love, whole and complete and just there, not waiting for me, but waiting with me."
Is that why death sometimes brings such pain and suffering with it? To bring us finally to the point where we so want to be rid of that we release our fears of death? Perhaps that is one of the reasons, I'm pretty sure another reason is to help the family come to the point of wanting to release their loved one from their suffering too, so that relief is there rather than such a raw grief.
Then on the flip side of that is death as the great escape right? I guess if I look honestly at the sometimes longing I have to go home, I can recognise that there. What I think I have found with Bruce is something so precious, so much potential if we don't let ego sabotage it, that I have this terrible fear of ego doing just that. Of us allowing what is there to be polluted, to be dragged down from Love to something so much less, to see that happen..... well, that is just plain scary! To be able to say, I had that, I tasted that, so much more than so many find in their lifetime, that is good! Lets quit now, before we cock it all up (oh my, my fear of failure is a shocker isn't it?!) guess I still have plenty of work to do on ego! LOL, my musings always allow me to see something in myself I hadn't quite recognised fully before! OK OK, I have my homework sorted, lets move on :)
So what is death actually like?
"All of a sudden I was weightless. Like a magnet had lost it's power and I was no longer 'held' there. In that respect looking back it was like I had been trapped in the body and was no longer trapped. When I shed the body I shed the body associated emotions with it, I stepped out of pain, out of fear, out of the wants, out of the discomforts, and into more 'pure' emotions. Emotions that are not burdened by physicality, emotions like Joy, serenity, not of awe for something but of being Awe and at that point of Joyful Love."
I ask Karma what it was like at that point to return to the Whole like that and she shuts me straight down LOL. She wasn't 'returning' at all, she had never not been part of that, so I will have to find a way to reword it, perhaps what was it like to be AWARE of being the Whole suddenly, from feeling separate prior... what was it like to lose the sense of separation?
"it was lost as soon as I left the body, it was like one of those body thoughts, like pain, that was left behind as I left the body."
Was that sense of separation then, for you too, like ego and if so, does that mean ego, or the sense of identity is lost when we leave our body?
"Identity is not fully the same as ego. You are your body but you are more than your body too. Identity is ego, but it is also more than ego. Ego belongs to the physical, and like leaving your body behind but not losing any of what you are, your identity is still whole even while it sheds the ego. Ego is the denseness, the slow vibration, it is physicality, it can be shed while taking from it the kernel of pure vibrational energy that is it's core."
What is ego then Karm?
"Ego is Self that we haven't been able to maintain at a high enough vibration. It slipped to match the slower vibration of the physical and became stuck in the physical, it can of course be lifted again as can your bodies vibration. The easiest way is to maintain small vibrational lifts. To swing from high to low does nothing, but to lift it slightly and HOLD that lift then anchors it at the new level, so you can lift it again, and again... change one thought pattern, one 'belief' at a time, anchor that firmly, push for too much too early and you will lose the lot and slump back to the lower vibration with a new belief of failing... baby steps."
I bring up with her while we are chatting others being there to meet her etc and she says that there weren't there to meet her but they'd never not been there. I tell her I understand but it's hard to word it well, so I ask "what about JoeJoe?" (my old Long Coat Shepherd who is now a guide for me and who has said he will always be 'within' me.) She simply replied "he was never NOT there." and I guess that's it isn't it, I have this feeling that he is 'within me' so he is there and not somewhere else, however being infinite he is of course everywhere, just that he knows I will recognise him best (and keep me looking within for answers) if we used that analogy for me. That's leads on to the whole infinite then being within me, blah blah blah, round and round in circles with the head trying to analyse what it can't! So lets leave that part there LOL.
I ask Karma if there is anything she would like to say to anyone who may read this about death... "don't be afraid of the pain. As soon as it is done the pain is not only finished but it no longer exists, like taking off a heavy overcoat, once it is taken off, the weight of it no longer affects you, and once you no longer have that pain, it is like you never had it, you remember the pain, but the memory is not physical, you do not re hurt when you remember it. All that is physical is left behind including the dense, slow vibrational physical 'memories' or emotions. You know what you went thru but it is now just something you experienced, not pain, not negative, you do not hurt anymore. Remember you are never alone, but after you take off the overcoat, after you shed your body you realise the truth of that completely, you 'see' with more than your physical eyes."
Thank you my darling girl, I can sense Tai "waiting" for her patiently, they still have much dancing to do!
Go dance you young Lovers, we'll talk again xxxx
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Musings on Death...
Last weekend I didn't really have any abstract things to muse on and had thought about musing on death and that's as far as it got, just the heading LOL (I was tired!) but this weekend it is now a very relevant topic... Karma my 9yr old Ridgeback/Lab cross pinched a nerve in her back sometime over Monday night (probably slipping down the stairs in the middle of the night) and paralysed her back end (minus her tail!) unfortunately it locked her bladder shut too so she was unable to pee. My local vets said there wasn't anything they could really do for her and sent us home with some painkillers (at this stage it wasn't known if she was able to pee or not.) The next day still no pee in sight so I rang a vet centre in Nelson who do acupuncture too and took her across there on Wednesday. She was very sore when they tried to put the needles in and getting pretty stressed by now. I left her there to have another treatment on Friday morning, I'd go across Friday afternoon and she'd have another treatment Saturday before coming home with me and see how she was going as the lovely Tommy Berhens the horse chiropractor is coming to town next weekend, so if we could get her thru till then to see him, it may be an easy fix!
So she had a day of rest on Thursday in Nelson at the vets, with just the catheter to be done to empty her bladder out and they were topping her up with some good painkillers. Pete was going to head across on Friday morning to be with her during her 2nd acupuncture treatment (in case she was still worried about it) since work was slow for him... On Thursday night in the shower (my contemplation place remember? LOL) I had a talk to Karma and got from her that she was ready to go. At 9yrs old she was a bit of a lame old cripple with arthritis everywhere, 2 bung cruciates, a bung front elbow and various other lumps and bumps appearing, and she was enjoying being pain free and wanted to continue to be pain free... Now this little girl used to be terrified of dying after watching her beloved Tai (the Great Dane) be put down at home in front of her and the others, and he was scared. So she's always been a staunch wee girl about her pain, not wanting to show it or complain about it in case she was put down too! But now, finally she was ready, so I told Pete that Friday would be a good chance for him to say his goodbyes etc which thankfully he was able to do.
I got over there just before closing on Friday evening and had a quick 10 min chat with her to confirm what I'd gotten previously, had a quick cuddle and had to leave for them to shut. Bruce and I headed back in the morning with the plan then that Karma wouldn't have her last acupuncture but would be put to sleep instead. So we had lots of cuddles and chats, and more cuddles, and photos and more cuddles and then she had a sleep on my lap and then it was time to farewell my Beautiful Lady.
Those bloody needles they use are always far too big and it hurt her as it always seems too, I HATE that part, but then she went to sleep in my arms as I told her what a good job she'd done over the years, how proud I was of her and how much she was loved until long after she stopped breathing...
Now here's the lovely part... first of all, on Thursday (in the shower) I'd felt Tai the Great Dane with her, now Tai was a fantastic dog, noble like a typical Dane, but a big sooky lala and a real clown who liked to just race around the paddock like a lean mean racing sardine, he was my boy :) But the 'presence' of Tai that I felt was so much more than that... there was none of that playfulness but rather a very noble, calm and confident presence that just oozed power, it honestly felt GOD like rather than dog like!!! and it wouldn't take a shape it was just an energy there, almost like a cloud... so after Karma had let go of her body I checked for her and Tai and in my minds eye I saw these 2 'clouds' of energy having met and spiraling up into the air around each other, like a tornado, and within that spiraling energy was the most joyous feeling of reconnection like two lovers meeting in a dance, it was beautiful to 'see' them together again...
When I said to her that we would take her body home to put with Tai under the pear tree she said it didn't matter, she understood now :) but it is important for other members of the family, wee Marcus included, to be able to say goodbye, so home she came with me to be buried in the morning with Pete and Marcus there. Now when I've spoken to Karma since, she is just like Tai!!! Gone is the bossy, maternal little Karma dog, and instead I am talking to a 'Lady', gracious, serene and again oozing that 'power' that I felt with Tai, just like a Goddess, so my Lord and Lady, my God and Goddess are together again in spirit, no more separation, and I am happy that she is not only OK but that she is more than OK. I'll have to add a photo when I get home, altho I did get some up on Facebook before I had to come to work...lets see if I remember how to do the link!
Karma
and I shall attempt to do my musings on death later, or tomorrow night if I run out of time, with Karma's help :)
Karma enjoying a massage with Bruce
Smiley Girl :)
Karma and Marcus Just a week ago
My Beautiful Lady
So she had a day of rest on Thursday in Nelson at the vets, with just the catheter to be done to empty her bladder out and they were topping her up with some good painkillers. Pete was going to head across on Friday morning to be with her during her 2nd acupuncture treatment (in case she was still worried about it) since work was slow for him... On Thursday night in the shower (my contemplation place remember? LOL) I had a talk to Karma and got from her that she was ready to go. At 9yrs old she was a bit of a lame old cripple with arthritis everywhere, 2 bung cruciates, a bung front elbow and various other lumps and bumps appearing, and she was enjoying being pain free and wanted to continue to be pain free... Now this little girl used to be terrified of dying after watching her beloved Tai (the Great Dane) be put down at home in front of her and the others, and he was scared. So she's always been a staunch wee girl about her pain, not wanting to show it or complain about it in case she was put down too! But now, finally she was ready, so I told Pete that Friday would be a good chance for him to say his goodbyes etc which thankfully he was able to do.
I got over there just before closing on Friday evening and had a quick 10 min chat with her to confirm what I'd gotten previously, had a quick cuddle and had to leave for them to shut. Bruce and I headed back in the morning with the plan then that Karma wouldn't have her last acupuncture but would be put to sleep instead. So we had lots of cuddles and chats, and more cuddles, and photos and more cuddles and then she had a sleep on my lap and then it was time to farewell my Beautiful Lady.
Those bloody needles they use are always far too big and it hurt her as it always seems too, I HATE that part, but then she went to sleep in my arms as I told her what a good job she'd done over the years, how proud I was of her and how much she was loved until long after she stopped breathing...
Now here's the lovely part... first of all, on Thursday (in the shower) I'd felt Tai the Great Dane with her, now Tai was a fantastic dog, noble like a typical Dane, but a big sooky lala and a real clown who liked to just race around the paddock like a lean mean racing sardine, he was my boy :) But the 'presence' of Tai that I felt was so much more than that... there was none of that playfulness but rather a very noble, calm and confident presence that just oozed power, it honestly felt GOD like rather than dog like!!! and it wouldn't take a shape it was just an energy there, almost like a cloud... so after Karma had let go of her body I checked for her and Tai and in my minds eye I saw these 2 'clouds' of energy having met and spiraling up into the air around each other, like a tornado, and within that spiraling energy was the most joyous feeling of reconnection like two lovers meeting in a dance, it was beautiful to 'see' them together again...
When I said to her that we would take her body home to put with Tai under the pear tree she said it didn't matter, she understood now :) but it is important for other members of the family, wee Marcus included, to be able to say goodbye, so home she came with me to be buried in the morning with Pete and Marcus there. Now when I've spoken to Karma since, she is just like Tai!!! Gone is the bossy, maternal little Karma dog, and instead I am talking to a 'Lady', gracious, serene and again oozing that 'power' that I felt with Tai, just like a Goddess, so my Lord and Lady, my God and Goddess are together again in spirit, no more separation, and I am happy that she is not only OK but that she is more than OK. I'll have to add a photo when I get home, altho I did get some up on Facebook before I had to come to work...lets see if I remember how to do the link!
Karma
and I shall attempt to do my musings on death later, or tomorrow night if I run out of time, with Karma's help :)
Karma enjoying a massage with Bruce
Smiley Girl :)
Karma and Marcus Just a week ago
My Beautiful Lady
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Musings on Expectations
I had chosen this topic already although I hadn't made it here to start on it and then saw this video clip and it seemed to fit right in there! Certainly gets the point across clearly and concisely anyway, check it out :o)
So what happens when we have expectations? How often is the pictured outcome different to reality? How does that affect us? Generally speaking somehow it never quite lives up to our expectations does it, somehow it's always a bit of an anti climax and we then feel let down, or cheated in some respect. Easy to then let the ego step in further and we can feel like a victim, never getting what we want or deserve, always missing out, always failing and yet we've missed the somewhat incredible steps we've walked on the journey to that point. Eyes focused on the finish line we miss out on seeing the wonderful scenery around us as we race on. We are future focused to supply something we don't have right now and not honouring what we do have, wishing it away... Expectations involving other people is especially dangerous, after all, our desired outcome is one out of pretty much an infinite number of possible outcomes and none of them are in our control! So are we going to end up disappointed in some way? Generally yes!
Can we instead enjoy and participate fully in the journey itself? Sure we may have an idea of where we'd like to end up, but if we participate completely in each step of the journey the destination is no longer vital for our happiness or contentment, instead it becomes a secondary thing and thus we are more adaptable about where that finish line actually is and what the prize at the end may be. We roll with the punches better, we don't fall over as much and are hurt a lot less, and consequently we find our journey becomes a lot smoother anyway.
Enjoy every step of the journey, each one is precious and will have something to teach you if you want to be taught. The journey is so short anyway, before you know it it will be over, appreciate every second of it, Love as much as you can with all that you are, be compassionate to all around you, each of us is in the middle of our own journey and some of those steps are hard to take. Remove the expectations before they are allowed to remove your enjoyment, if you can't remove them, remember to learn from the disappointment that will inevitibly come from having them. Find your happiness in the journey :o)
So what happens when we have expectations? How often is the pictured outcome different to reality? How does that affect us? Generally speaking somehow it never quite lives up to our expectations does it, somehow it's always a bit of an anti climax and we then feel let down, or cheated in some respect. Easy to then let the ego step in further and we can feel like a victim, never getting what we want or deserve, always missing out, always failing and yet we've missed the somewhat incredible steps we've walked on the journey to that point. Eyes focused on the finish line we miss out on seeing the wonderful scenery around us as we race on. We are future focused to supply something we don't have right now and not honouring what we do have, wishing it away... Expectations involving other people is especially dangerous, after all, our desired outcome is one out of pretty much an infinite number of possible outcomes and none of them are in our control! So are we going to end up disappointed in some way? Generally yes!
Can we instead enjoy and participate fully in the journey itself? Sure we may have an idea of where we'd like to end up, but if we participate completely in each step of the journey the destination is no longer vital for our happiness or contentment, instead it becomes a secondary thing and thus we are more adaptable about where that finish line actually is and what the prize at the end may be. We roll with the punches better, we don't fall over as much and are hurt a lot less, and consequently we find our journey becomes a lot smoother anyway.
Enjoy every step of the journey, each one is precious and will have something to teach you if you want to be taught. The journey is so short anyway, before you know it it will be over, appreciate every second of it, Love as much as you can with all that you are, be compassionate to all around you, each of us is in the middle of our own journey and some of those steps are hard to take. Remove the expectations before they are allowed to remove your enjoyment, if you can't remove them, remember to learn from the disappointment that will inevitibly come from having them. Find your happiness in the journey :o)
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