A very good book I got lent to me, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. It is Marianne's reflections on the principals of A Course in Miracles... Found a piece in here just now that I like and it is true! When you start on this road to self discovery, things CAN seem to get uglier for you before it gets better, been there done that :o)
(This is actually in the section about relationships)
"Real relationships demand honest communication, and no matter how painful, no matter how frightening. A Course in Miracles says that miracles arise from total communication given and received.
When you ask God to heal your life, He shines a very bright light on everything you need to look at. You end up seeing things about yourself that maybe you'd rather not see. We have a lot of armor that has accumulated in front of our hearts - a lot of fear self-righteously masquerading as something else. As anyone who has ever been in serious psychotherapy is well aware, the process of personal growth isn't always easy. We must face our own ugliness. We often must become painfully aware of the unworkability of a pattern before we're willing to give it up. It often seems, in fact, that our lives get worse rather than better when we begin to work deeply on ourselves. Life doesn't actually get worse; it's just that we feel our own transgressions more because we're no longer anesthetized by unconsciousness. We're no longer distanced, through denial, or dissociation, from our own experience. We're starting to see the truth about the games we play.
This process can be so painful that we are tempted to go backwards. It takes courage - this is often called the path of the spiritual warrior - to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives... ...we have to look ego right in the eye before we have the power to relinquish it."
I guess I had forgotten in part, how painful and confusing that part of the process can be, just because I assume people have done it already makes ME the one that is wrong not the person in the arena, fighting for their life...
I will always appreciate a gladiator who goes into the fight with everything they have, those gladiators in my life should really know that... they have a cheerleader in the stands rooting for them to win and come out unscathed...
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust, and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." ~ Theodore Roosevelt.